18 days ago I had my surgery.
Some moments I cannot believe it has only been 18 days.
Some moments I cannot believe it has already been 18 days.
I had thought I would blog a whole lot more during this time. Turns out ankle surgery hurts a whole hell of a lot more than I thought it would! The first few days post-surgery were the hardest – there was a lot of pain and not a lot of sleep. Then for 10 days after that I slept and dozed almost all the time. I rested, iced and elevated my knee and ankle.
For the last 18 days, I have followed doctor’s orders.
I am not allowed to put any weight on my right ankle, at least until the cast comes off.
In the past, when I sprained my ankle (which was at least once a year) I would wrap it and torture myself with crutches for about a week, maybe two. Then I would start walking on it, gingerly at first but walking on it none-the-less. I never truly let the ankle heal. From my first sprain I never let my ankle heal properly!
I am determined to do this the right way!
I didn’t go through the pain of surgery to screw it up. All of this has most certainly been a learning experience.
* Pain- there was/has been way more pain than I thought possible.
* I’m so tired! I know I am healing and my body needs rest but I just can’t believe how tired I can be after lounging on the couch for days. And if I leave the house for an adventure, let’s say breakfast and a scooterized trip thru Sam’s Club takes two hours, I need like at least 4 hours of napping plus a full night’s sleep to recover. This is where the “it’s only been 18 days” comes in….its only been 18 days, my body knows what it needs.
* Which brings me to my next learning experience. LISTENING. Somewhere along the way I realized I have had to listen to my body! Even more amazing than listening, is actually hearing. I cannot go to the kitchen every time I want something to eat or drink. When I ask someone to do soemthing for me, I want it to be as easy for that as possible. When I ask Big Man to make me something to eat, I need to know what I want. That means, I can’t just go to the kitchen and raid the cabinets. I have to think about everything. I don’t want Big Man or Q to get me something if I am only eating because I am bored. The first few days to week after surgery I started noticing my appetite being weird. At first, I was barely hungry. Big Man made me eat at regular intervals to keep my strength up. Now, I notice myself pushing my plate away before I have finished what’s on the plate. I am slowly starting to hear the full cue.
* I am listening to my body in all sorts of way. When I need to sleep I sleep, when I need to eat I eat. I know also, that I don’t always know what the hell my body wants all the time! BUT, I am listening and hopefully, I will learn! I am way too hard on myself. I expect too much and when I can’t deliver I get bummed. I thought I would be much more “up” after a week of sleeping but I wasn’t. And when I wasn’t more “up” I got very emotional. My emotions have been a roller coaster during this whole thing but I am letting myself feel them. I don’t have the energy to hide my emotions right now, so I am feeling them.
* I am not used to relying on anyone for everything. EVERYTHING. I cannot put any weight on my ankle so I am on crutches, making dinner is not impossible but its very difficult. Add in the fact, if I leave my ankle hanging for too long I get tingly pain. I have had to rely on my husband and daughter for just about everything. They have stepped up in ways I could not imagine. I have not had to worry. My husband has taken the responsibility and run with it. He makes sure the kid helps out around the house, helps me but also handles all her school “stuff.” My daughter even helps me shower. Asking for help is a new skill I am learning. Accepting help is another. Seriously, I am humbled by the awesome care my husband and daughter have provided me. And not once, have I felt like a burden to them.
* I am amazed at what my body is doing right now. I mean, I had major surgery on two areas of my leg. I am healing. I am getting stronger, even though I feel totally weak! I feel like when I was limping around with a bum knee and bum ankle I was broken. But I needed to be broken down one more layer to truly begin to heal.
*Healing is happening! Healing on the inside. Healing on the outside. (I will write more about this another time or this post is gonna be a novel)
*I need to give myself a break and remember it has only been 18 days since surgery. I sprained that ankle about once a year from the time I was 12 (and for those of you keeping track, I am 33). So for 21 years I damaged my ankle, it might just take a little more than 18 days to be fixed! I’m working on giving myself a break.
It has only been 18 days.
and tomorrow is Day 19…and the adventure continues!!