coming back to life

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I have been out of commission most of this first week of 2012.

To be fair, I have sort of been out of commission since surgery (November 17, 2011).  I should have been working on the newest phase of healing. My cast was removed 12/27 and I went back to work January 3rd.

BUT

I have been battling what can only be known as the death-plague.  I don’t want to give you all the details but think flu/stomach bug/upper respiratory infection all rolled into one and walking on crutches.

Wanna know how sick I was?!?

I hardly tweeted!

{{GASP}}

I know, that is crazy.

I have also had and taken some time to reflect. Being sick will do that to a person! Recovering from ankle (and knee) surgery on the couch also give lots of time for reflection.

Bear with me, while I ramble a bit and take you inside my mind.

January 1st/New Year’s and all talk of resolutions and goals tends to make me wanna throw up. I suck at resolutions; I have never once stuck to a resolution. Last year I didn’t even bother setting one. Last year, I knew I would be training for a half marathon in August and that was really all I had in my sights. I figured training would take care of it all.

And it sort of did. I had something to focus on!

And then, one week before that half marathon I hurt my knee. I went to the ortho, had an MRI and was diagnosed with arthritis and went to physical therapy. Then I sprained my ankle, went back to ortho and decided to finally fix my weak ligaments in ankle with surgery. Then I had surgery on my ankle and knee.

I had surgery 7ish weeks ago.

Then came another January 1st and another wrestling match with resolutions and goals. I really hate this stuff.  I thought I found a solution with #12in12 but then I got the death-plague and really could only focus on me.  In fact, today is the first day I feel like I am almost back to normal (whatever normal means).

I have decided on a new approach to the whole resolutions/goals debate that goes on in my head. I am no longer going to participate in the #12in12 challenge (not exactly the word for it, but you know what I mean). As I come back to life from the death-plague, I seem to have a new perspective. I need to take the pressure off myself but still push myself.

Quite the delicate balance I need to find. 

I am a jump-in-first kind of person. I get all excited and I just jump in. And then reality kicks in and I feel stuck. I do not want to do this to myself. I hate that feeling. So, as I start to feel better I search.

Where do I go from here?

I have been asking this question all day. Then I read a post written by my good friend Karen  about her word of the year. It was like a light bulb went off in my head! I swear, Karen is like the big sister I always wished I had. Reading her thoughts on goals was like reading my own thoughts.  {Go read her post!!}

I love words. I am an English teacher after all (please don’t hold that against me!! I don’t read blogs or write my own blog expecting perfect grammar or spelling – I read through typos  and I make plenty of my own) and I love to read and write. This blog is my journal. My journey. Me on a page. Me in words.

I have been thinking of the prefect word. Many words sprang to mind: heal, mend, listen, focus. ALL good words but really, those words are my blog. I thought about consistency. Then realized I needed more than consistency. I needed more than focus. I need heal but I need more than just to heal.

I need diligence.

Definition: 

diligence (noun) constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind.

or

diligent (adjective) constant in effort to accomplish something; attentive and persistent in doing anything

 

Right now my biggest task is to completely recover from the death-plague and heal and rehab my knee and ankle. As far as the death-plague, rest and time are the only way to truly recover. I promise you, I am resting!

As for the knee and ankle, I did not make it to physical therapy at all this week but it was just not possible.

Diligence….or constant effort, persistent exertion.

My ankle needs me to be diligent! I need me to be diligent in my therapy.

My students deserve my diligence.

My family deserves my diligence.

Most of all, I deserve to put my all in my tasks. My head will be in a much better place I am diligent in my tasks.  I cannot run before I can walk. I cannot walk until I can crawl.

DILIGENCE

in all that I choose to do!

I may have to be picky in the things I choose to do. But that is another post entirely!

 

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6 responses »

  1. Hope you are feeling better by now! I didn’t do any resolutions this year per se – my goal is to make each day the best it can be and then move on – not worry about what I could have done yesterday or what I should do tomorrow.

    Happy New Year!

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