This week: 227.4
Last week: 228.8
Total Loss: -4.6
The Reaction and the Reflection:
I knew the scale had to eventually move in the right direction. It has been a long slow process to lose weight this time. This is week 8 and I have lost 4.6 pounds. I thought I would be further along then I am…the last time I was following the Weight Watchers plan I lost pretty consistently.
This time is so different.
I am so different.
Yes, I want to lose weight. But my reasons are different now then they were 8 weeks ago. 8 weeks ago, I was feeling fat and mushy. I was just starting to walk without crutches and I was feeling sorry for myself. None of my clothes fit and I felt weak. I was in a bad place.
Now, I feel like my weight loss journey is only partially about weight loss.
I want to be STRONG! I don’t want to be out of breath when I walk up the steps and school. I want to feel comfortable in my skin. Since starting #NROLFW, I remember how I feel when I am working out consistently. Ok, it is still hard right now. My body requires more attention. I am still remembering the last time I felt really good about my body…last summer when I was running consistently…I felt confident and comfortable in my skin. I have no idea what I weighed but I know I felt good.
These days, I am not feeling all that comfortable in my skin, but I am learning what my body is capable of doing. I am learning I have so much healing to do. I know it has only been 4 months since surgery. I am pushing myself by lifting weights; I even added heavier weights this week. Weights heavier than I thought possible. I have come to the startling conclusion that even though I was running consistently and training for half marathons, I was lazy when it came to anything other than the running. I am paying for that laziness now – I have not pushed myself in the past and now that I am, it feels awkward. I am stuck in between wanting to baby myself and wanting to push myself, fear of failure and fear of success, pain and healing.
This past week, I did a weights workout twice. It should have been three weights workouts but I had a mid-week unintended two day rest. I had some female issues coupled with an insanely intense headache for two days. I chose to listen to my body and on day two of said misery, I came home from school and took a nap and still went to bed early. Clearly my body needed the rest.
It was a week where I stepped out of my comfort zone. Not only did I step out of the private women’s room, but I seriously upped my weights. Not to some ridiculous weight that was too heavy but to an appropriately heavy number. I felt strong and powerful and I wasn’t in agony the day after. I tried pushups on my toes…they were ugly pushups but I did it! I even tried out a yoga class…and even though it wasn’t easy and I felt uncoordinated, it felt so good to test my body.
I will do more of the same this week.
At this week’s WW meeting we talked about what was working in our journeys. By talking to the group and listening to other member’s stories, I realized I do best in my journey when I track and when I exercise. I feel best. I eat better and I workout more consistently. It is definitely like a balance beam…I have to line everything up so it stays evenly balanced. I can’t and won’t be a workout maniac or the perfect eater. I can, however, find the right balance for me. Right now it appears that if I workout a little bit each day I feel best. If I workout just a little bit each day I pay more attention to what I am eating. I also sleep do good on nights I have worked out.
Have you found your balance?