it feels like home

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I am not even sure what happened but earlier this week I needed to change up my blog…and my twitter name. Yes, again. Even though I sorta promised Thea I would probably be staying at Jen I Am for awhile. I never really fell in love with that blog name, it never quite felt right. I liked it but it wasn’t right.

I had a realizations this week. I am still in the mending process. I am still working on me. I was premature in my switch from Listen.Learn.Love.Mend. I was chatting with my good friend Ann about the progress we have both been making this month. You see, June 1st we partnered up for the Shrinking Jeans June Challenge. We named ourselves the Kick Ass WIPs (WIP= work in progress) because well, we are both works in progress ans this month has been amazing for both of us.

As I noticed the changes I am making, I also noticed other things. I have a habit of jumping into something with both feet, going at it like gangbusters, then hitting a wall. I think I may have done that with joining the gym. All the sudden, I was in the gym and lifting heavy weights and ellipticalling and I was having fun but I wasn’t doing any of the exercises and stretches for my ankle. Then I got hit with a round of depression and I didn’t want to and couldn’t make myself go to the gym. Then I got sick (allergies, upper respiratory infection) and work was all I could manage. The gym was not even a thought in my head (which was very weird since I was really hoping with the June Shrinking Jeans challenge I would get back in the gym. I wanted to be working out. I think I wanted to workout to aid in losing weight. I don’t want to think like that anymore.

More so, I wanted to feel better. I WANT to feel better…inside and out.

For the June challenge, I decided I would track my food and see what I was eating. I wanted to drop some pounds, so a friend suggested wheat elimination. I looked into it and it made perfect sense. I have a serious issue with breads and pastas and cakes and cookies and brownies, especially brownies. Not eating wheat has been a good thing: I have been so much more conscious of what I am eating. I am learning and even listening to my body.

Last week, I started walking early in the morning with a friend. We meet on the bike path at 6am and I have been bringing Lucy along with me. We walk for 30-40 minutes at a normal walk & talk pace. I may have been able to elliptical for an hour but walking on the asphalt is a whole different story. The first walk was a huge alarm bell right in my ankle. Holy hell. Who cares if I can deadlift 100lbs if walking down the street is a struggle?!?

I realized I really need to take myself back to the beginning. In every sense,I feel like I am starting over. I am letting myself off the hook for all the guilty and negative feelings I have had recently. I am letting myself off the hook for any premature goals or expectations I placed on myself. I am going to start treating my body like the temple it is – I am going to work out gently with healing as main focus. Weight loss will come naturally, I will not force it.

I am going to keep doing what I have been doing since I started #wheatfree June 1st – eat good foods and feel good; move my body a little bit every day; and take time to clear my head as often as I need to do it.

I am embracing the turtle. Taking it slow and gently always learning as I go. I am embracing my journey. My path has always been a bit swirvy and loopy-do-loo but all roads lead to happy.

So here I am, back to where it feels right. I am not saying it is gonna be easy but here is where it feels right to be making the progress.

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