The last two years

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Janice’s Challenge Day 4: How have you changed in last two years?

Two years ago I training for my first half marathon (October 16, 2010) using the run/walk method. I was eating well and working out regularly. Part of me likedrunning and part of me totally dreaded it. I sort of kept up with running after October. I lost about 55 pounds that year.
Right about this time last, I was training for my 2nd and 3rd half marathons when I hurt my knee. Looking back, I kind of totaaly deserve that injury. I had been sort of half assing my training and I jumped up to 10 miles without proper preparation. I went to the doctor and then physical therapy. At same time I was in PT, I tripped over a dogtoy and sprained my ankle. It was nowhere near my first ankle sprain.
November I had surgery to repair that ankle and knee, same leg, and I have been changing and growing since. I still tend to take 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. I had thought surgery would be no big thing. Instead surgery brought raw emotions from deep within. I have had to sort through the emtions while healing from a pretty major ankle repair.
Sitting on the couch pre and post surgery packed on the pounds. I ate through a lot pain and emotion. And then regret and confusion and more emotions. I joined weight watchers in late January/early February and I had gained back about 45 pounds. Oy.
I really thought I would have made more progress on the scale since then but I am making some very slow progress so all is not lost. I have also recently relized I don’t care about the scale. I love me, I just want to be a healthier and stronge and fitter version of me. And yes, I want to feel more at ease in clothes. I want a flatter-ish belly, but to be honest, if my bellywas flatteish my boobs wouldn’t suffocateme in some of the yoga poses. I wish i was kidding here.
I may not be where I want to be but I know I am making great strides. I also know I am being a good role model for my daughter and my students.
I am no longer on a weightloss journey, I am simply learning to live healthy. I am defining what healthy means to me. I am figuring out what combination makes me happiest. I am still experimentig and trying to find my fit, the fitness that makes me the happiest; that makes me want to do it every day without dread. The one I just always want to do. Or maybe it will be a combination of a few. I have tried many but everythingis different now. Since surgery, I want differnt things and I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want to pound the pavement and I don’t really want to go to the gym. I want to be consistent and active from home.
Finances are tight. They are always tight, right?!? I experimented with a gym membershio when ut was ridiculousky cheap but that time is up andI will not stress my budget unecessarily when there is no reason I cannot accomplish fitness and health and a flatter-ishbelly all at home.
Writing this made me realize that may be my new mission or motivation. To prove it can be done with no gym, a small house and a small fitness/health related budet. To prove to myself I can motivate myself enough to do what has to be done. To prove to myself that I can actually use all the at-home workout stuff I have (I will have to do inventory) in various spots throughout my house.
In two years, I have changed and grown….all while remaining true to myself. I have become more self aware, more open to listening and hearing what is inside me, and more receptive to feeling and healing. The experiements will continue but as long as I keep growing, changingaand learning then I’m doin’ alright!
Life is one wild ride.

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About jennifer lynn

Mom. Wife. Teacher. Bartender. Jen. I'm trying to balance life with living. I'm trying to find my Zen (balance and happiness) in a world of chaos. I'm a busy mama but I need to find my Zen.

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