The last two years


Janice’s Challenge Day 4: How have you changed in last two years?

Two years ago I training for my first half marathon (October 16, 2010) using the run/walk method. I was eating well and working out regularly. Part of me likedrunning and part of me totally dreaded it. I sort of kept up with running after October. I lost about 55 pounds that year.
Right about this time last, I was training for my 2nd and 3rd half marathons when I hurt my knee. Looking back, I kind of totaaly deserve that injury. I had been sort of half assing my training and I jumped up to 10 miles without proper preparation. I went to the doctor and then physical therapy. At same time I was in PT, I tripped over a dogtoy and sprained my ankle. It was nowhere near my first ankle sprain.
November I had surgery to repair that ankle and knee, same leg, and I have been changing and growing since. I still tend to take 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. I had thought surgery would be no big thing. Instead surgery brought raw emotions from deep within. I have had to sort through the emtions while healing from a pretty major ankle repair.
Sitting on the couch pre and post surgery packed on the pounds. I ate through a lot pain and emotion. And then regret and confusion and more emotions. I joined weight watchers in late January/early February and I had gained back about 45 pounds. Oy.
I really thought I would have made more progress on the scale since then but I am making some very slow progress so all is not lost. I have also recently relized I don’t care about the scale. I love me, I just want to be a healthier and stronge and fitter version of me. And yes, I want to feel more at ease in clothes. I want a flatter-ish belly, but to be honest, if my bellywas flatteish my boobs wouldn’t suffocateme in some of the yoga poses. I wish i was kidding here.
I may not be where I want to be but I know I am making great strides. I also know I am being a good role model for my daughter and my students.
I am no longer on a weightloss journey, I am simply learning to live healthy. I am defining what healthy means to me. I am figuring out what combination makes me happiest. I am still experimentig and trying to find my fit, the fitness that makes me the happiest; that makes me want to do it every day without dread. The one I just always want to do. Or maybe it will be a combination of a few. I have tried many but everythingis different now. Since surgery, I want differnt things and I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want to pound the pavement and I don’t really want to go to the gym. I want to be consistent and active from home.
Finances are tight. They are always tight, right?!? I experimented with a gym membershio when ut was ridiculousky cheap but that time is up andI will not stress my budget unecessarily when there is no reason I cannot accomplish fitness and health and a flatter-ishbelly all at home.
Writing this made me realize that may be my new mission or motivation. To prove it can be done with no gym, a small house and a small fitness/health related budet. To prove to myself I can motivate myself enough to do what has to be done. To prove to myself that I can actually use all the at-home workout stuff I have (I will have to do inventory) in various spots throughout my house.
In two years, I have changed and grown….all while remaining true to myself. I have become more self aware, more open to listening and hearing what is inside me, and more receptive to feeling and healing. The experiements will continue but as long as I keep growing, changingaand learning then I’m doin’ alright!
Life is one wild ride.


About jennifer lynn

Mom. Wife. Teacher. Bartender. Jen. I'm trying to balance life with living. I'm trying to find my Zen (balance and happiness) in a world of chaos. I'm a busy mama but I need to find my Zen.

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