I started back to school last week and I have been super crazy busy with it all. I prepped, researched, created, and planned my butt off for two weeks leading up to my first day. I was so excited for back to school and had big plans for big changes this school year. Yes, I am a nerd like that! 😉
However, getting completely engrossed in work while sitting on my ass with my eyes glued on computer screen. Admittedly, I am proud that I actually spent that time working and did not procrastinate with tweeting and the book of face. I totally neglected my blog. I can’t even say I haven’t blogged just because I was busy preparing for new school year. Other than doing the visalus shake diet, I have done nothing blogworthy. I almost hate to admit it, but I was sort of hiding. It was hot and humid, my main AC unit stopped working, and I think that combined with a very tight summer budget (I may have to find a part time next summer to supplement my summer school earnings) left me in a slump. I can’t explain it – on one hand, I was super excited and focused on school prep and on the other hand, I was miserable and sluggish and feeling lost.
If I am being honest, and I am, I still am feeling both those sets of feelings.
And even more, IT PISSES ME OFF that I can only seem to work one area of my life at a time. Why can’t I be a great teacher, organized and on top of everything, AND actively losing weight AND maintaining a decent home and family?!? I see so many people who seem to be able to juggle and balance it all. I used to be so much better at busy and productive. So, why can’t I get it together this year?!?
I am going to switch over to bullets for a little bit of random rambling thoughts that have been in and out of my head these days. kay?!? thanks.
- in the past month of vi-shakes, I have only lost 1 pound. I can’t really blame the shakes, I was on-again, off-again with being really strict like I was actually on a diet.
- shakes plus all the fruit and other add-ins for said shakes is more money than I really want/need to spend.
- I have let myself get so out of shape. Yes, I know I had surgeries on my leg but I feel like I should be further along – mentally and physically.
- My first day of school I felt just how out of shape I have become – after a day of teaching and standing most of my day, my legs ached. I was tired and achy from my every day life. I felt pathetic.
- on the shakes all I thought about was when and what I was going to eat and what was going in my shakes. I feel/felt obsessed.
- I love to cook. Food is fun and delicious. Bad for me foods are way yummy, but so are fruits and veggies.
- I don’t want to diet but I want to lose weight.
- BUT, be perfectly clear, I like me just as I am but I feel like my extra weight is getting in my way – my joints (specifically my surgically repaired joints) would love me if I took off at least 50lbs, my lungs would breathe easier and my boobs wouldn’t suffocate me during yoga.
- Part of my feels like a failure because I had lost this weight prior to my injury last summer.
- The stronger part of my wants to know what to do next! I like me but I need to make
- I need and want to feel better.
- I want to be active.
- I hate to say it, but I have to go back to the very beginning. Actually, I don’t hate to say it. I am embracing a new start. I will leave the last year of weigh gain and mental self-abuse and I will work on me.
- I will feel strong and successful…doing in MY way.
- This post could get long but I need to grade papers and get to bed at a decent time. I will work on checking in more often…if for no other reason, then I need to clear my head in this space! It is my therapy for sure!!
- New beginning, here I come!