|Noun||1.||follow-through – carrying some project or intention to full completion|
I have none of this.
None, is a bit strong, but lately I have had absolutely no follow-through. Deb was dead on when she commented, “this past year you’ve gone one thing “this is fabulous!” to another thing “THIS is the answer!”… All the while talking badly about yourself when you don’t see miracles in a month.”
NAIL meet my HEAD!
I have been thinking about Deb’s comment a lot in the last few days. My mind keeps circling around these words.
I lack follow-through. But I used to have amazing follow-through (and I needed to remind myself)
- I left an abusive man and saved myself and my daughter
- I started college with a 2-year old – I worked full time, went to school full time, and maintained a B+/A- gpa
- I took care of myself when I walked away from family when I finally realized just how negative they are and how they are no good for me or Q
Damn, typing this and I just realized….I did all those things for Q. Yes, it all benefited me but I started and kept at it so she would be safe, happy, well-provided for, and still have a mom. I really did think I was going to be doing this whole life-thing with Q and only Q.
I was lucky in my second (or maybe third) life. While in school, I met some friends and met the man who would become my husband and best friend (as cheesy as this sounds it is the total truth).
I thought all along I was taking care of myself but really, I think I have been hiding behind being busy. A few years ago, I quit smoking. Then, a year or so after that, I joined WW and lost 50+ pounds, started running and felt great.
I didn’t stick with it.
I finished a half-marathon and slacked for months and months afterwards. Then I started training for another half-marathon and again, I felt great. Then I got hurt and depressed. Then surgery and more butt-sitting. More of that, “well I am stuck on the couch anyway, I might as well eat whatever I want.” Lack of movement and eating all that crap, I felt like crap.
My head has been fucked up for months.
I have tried lots of new activities. And I do get excited when I try new things. What you read on this blog is exactly how I feel and sound. I get excited when I start new things but I have no follow-through. I CAN have follow-through but I have been seriously lacking in this for a long time but especially the last year.
I make big plans, set big goals, get super excited, hit one snag, the fizzle and stop.
Why do I do this??
Actually, scratch that, it may not even matter why I do it, I just need to stop doing it. I have been feeling sorry for myself and hoping just hoping would produce results AND I AM NOT THAT PERSON, I AM NOT THAT WEAK!!
I am not setting goals or plans or predictions or anything crazy like that. I am simply going to live the life I deserve to live. I will work on losing weight (yep, tracking and eating good, healthy foods), being more active (adding in squats and steps, walking more, planking – that kind of stuff – baby steps – leading to consistency), and just enjoying being me (no more comparing, no more advertising, no more judging).
I am going to focus on being happy and healthy.
I do LOVE me some me, it is time my actions match my words.
I know what I need to do –