chili knocked me down

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Last Sunday, my wonderful husband made his way spicy chili. His friends can just smell this cooking. They show up unexpectedly. They wipe many a sweaty brow but they devour this pot of hot. Me, on the otherhand, I am totally chickenshit about the heat of Big Man’s Chili so he makes me my own batch with less peppers than his batch. I can handle some spice but not that crazy melt my face off spicy.

Oh, did I mention the heat all comes from peppers we grew in our garden?!?

So anyway. I ate a delicious and spicy bowl of chili. But before I could finish that yummy bowl, my belly screamed with a serious anger. This was not the first time I had a bit of pain after eating something spicy but within a few hours when the pain had not subsided I knew this was different. OR the same but worse.

Of course, I am still stubborn and it took until Thursday for me to call the doctor. Long story short….gastric inflammation. Could be worse, right?!? Doc prescribed prilosec twice a day for one month. He said I should feel relief in a few weeks (comforting, I know) and to stay away from spicy and overly acidic food. Friday morning I called the pharmacy to make sure my Rx was ready and get this, my insurance won’t cover the medication. Isn’t that grande?!? I was busy at school and did not get call the doctor til late after school. The nurse took my information and doc was supposed to call me with suggestion. (For the record, OTC prilosec is 5 times as costly as prescription and I want to know its worth it)

No call back from the doctor.

And its weekend.

And I have been stupid not made very wise food choices. My appetite has been wacky all week. And with that and hormones running  through, I have not been eating well. Not necessarily junk or too much because for the most part, in the last 6 days, I have not eaten enough. That is not to say, I have only eaten good things because that would be a lie.

Today, I have been tired. So very tired. And my belly is not right. My best guess….ALL has to do with how I have been eating or not eating.  Hormonal gunk has a wee bit to do with being tired, this I am sure.

Random switch of topics….

I have been thinking about goals and what I want and how I get what I want.

I have BIG BIG goals for the upcoming year. I am going to be 35 and I am tired of waiting for the things I want to happen to happen. While I am not ready to share my Big goal, I am ready to start working on it! It is a big one…one that will take about 13 months to pull off but I have learned to start a BIG goal by breaking it into small manageable chunks. So goal #1 is to lose my weight. I have a bunch to  lose but I want to focus on one pound at a time with mini-goals along the way. My first weight loss goal will be to get under 200 pounds. I will do a weigh-in tomorrow and get a starting #.

To reach this goal I am going to continue eating mainly wheat free. I feel better when I eat less wheat. I am going to be more diligent about this, because weekends can not be a wheatapalooza if I hope to truly feel better. I can’t cheat if I want to feel better or if I want to actually lose this weight.

I have been cheating.

LIGHTBULB MOMENT HERE!!!

I have been cheating myself.

By allowing cheat days, or more relaxed “rules” on the weekends, I am cheating myself of the full benefits of eating mostly wheat free. I am cheating myself the full potential of potential weight loss.

I have not been wanting to put all my effort into losing weight. I was just sort of hoping it would happen. That is pretty lame. But I realize, I have been doing a lot of that lately. I have been waiting around for things to just happen.

I need to make things happen.

Tomorrow morning, I will step on the scale and see where I am starting. I am going to count my calories but I am going to focus on eating good for me foods, real foods. I am going to stick with mostly wheat-free, it works for me and when I don’t eat wheat I tend to make better choices all around. I am NOT going to allow cheat days on the weekends.

I am going to stop getting in my own way. I want this and it is ok to want it!!

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