And that is OK!
Its really OK!
Carla posted a picture the other day….a picture of our tribe. I believe the picture was take right before the early morning run of the first fitbloggin. I looked at that picture, then I went and found each year’s fitbloggin group picture. Wow! Our tribe has grown. The fitbloggin’ tribe is awesome and diverse – with many, many different areas of focus. Within this community you can find blogs on healthy living, weight loss, self acceptance, self love, runners, cross fitters, yogis, walkers, hikers, bikers, swimmers and I am sure I am missing some. Pretty diverse huh?!? Sometimes, in this huge group of awesome and talented and fit people, I feel very overwhelmed. And its SO easy to get swept up in their excitement. If I think back to when I trained for my first (and only) half marathon, I realize I got swept up in the online running excitement. My friends at Shrinking Jeans had just done a half marathon with Team in Training and there were lots of, “if I can do this anyone can” sentiments flying about the interwebs. I didn’t really like running in high school but I thought I could do it.
And I did it!! I completed a half marathon. I used the Jeff Galloway method of run/walk/run and I rocked it! Well, I finished it and that means I rocked it! But I was tired and HURTING!
And I took a long time off running.
Then I planned and trained for two more half marathons. I didn’t even start either of these halfs (injury, surgery, recovery, you know the story….but if you don’t, just ask) and I am not sure I ever got over this. I say this because when my one year from surgery rolled around, I decided I had to do a full marathon. It would be on the two year anniversary of my surgery and it would be my chance to redeem myself for the two halfs I did not even get to start.
I recently made the decision to NOT run a marathon.
I realize I was reacting emotionally. I was once again getting caught up in the excitement. And, watching your friends hit PRs really is exciting. I wanted to run and be part of that awesome club. But when it came down to the training, I was getting panicky. When I would run (well, run/walk/run) I was hitting 3-4 miles and it was HARD but I was enjoying it. Well, I was enjoying it until I started thinking about the long runs. Anything over 5 miles was making me panicky. I started to dread each and every run.
Self-doubt, fear, and worry crept in and running was no longer fun.
I realize I need to do what makes me happy.
I need to do the fitness activities I want to do.
I want to lift weights! I want to practice yoga!
I want to get in shape where I can play volleyball.
I want to have fun and be fit!
I want to be fit and an inspiration.
But if I can’t inspire myself to be consistent, how can inspire anyone else?!?
I am not a runner and I am ok with just being me!