I’ve been doing it all wrong

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WARNiNG: this post may ramble.
WARNiNG: this post will be a complete mind dump.

The other day I finally got around to starting what I thought would be a daily thing for 30 days. I had Q take a picture of me doing a challenging yoga pose. It was my intent to do this pose every day and I would take pictures every so often. Well, that pose is freaking hard. I did it for three days then stopped. It hurt and I hadn’t made any progress.
I’ve been doing it wrong!
Progress can’t be made in only three days. But that isn’t what I was doing wrong. I was actually doing the pose wrong…well, not wrong but I had not looked into modifications and/or working my way from beginner to proficient in this pose. I read up and will not be doing this pose a bit differently. I will now be using a more yin (or restorative) approach. In fact, I have been struggling to get into a daily, or even weekly, practice. I have not been listening to my body. Instead, when I have been unsuccessful I have stopped doing it. Period. End of story.

I started the year talking about running a marathon. That so did not happen. I had a minor injury. Then I started lifting. Then I injured my neck. I never got back to running.
I’ve been doing it wrong!
I gave up. I was unsuccessful and I stopped doing it. I didn’t modify or adjust my plans. I didn’t scale back. I just gave up. I quit. Period. End of story.

I see a pattern.
Set huge lofty goals. Underestimate just how much hard work will be required. Have a setback. Give up.

I’ve been doing it all wrong.

You haven’t seen much in the way of blogging in a few months.What you can’t see is the months and months of doing nothing. And the toll doing nothing took on my body. And my mind. And my heart & soul. Sitting around makes me lazy and not happy. I’ve gained almost all, if not all, of the weight I had lost pre-ankle/knee surgery. I’ve gained back the weight I lost after gaining some after surgery and recovery. I’ve done even more sitting around.
Do nothing. Do nothing. Gain weight. Feel the weight. Move less. Become more miserable. Move less. What a yucky cycle.

I’ve been doing it all wrong.

And because I’ve been doing it all wrong, I feel out of control. And its not just about fitness levels and weight loss or lack of loss. Its not just about food and choices I’ve made. I’m sure my work has suffered. I’m sure my family has suffered. I’m sure I’ve suffered unnecessarily because of my inability to learn and move on. Self-inflicted stress.

I’ve been doing it all wrong.
I stopped listening.
I stopped learning.
I stopped loving.
I stopped mending.

I’ve been doing it all wrong.
But now that I know it, I can change it.
I can start listening again.
I can start learning again.
I can start loving again.
I can start mending again.

I can and I WILL.

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5 responses »

  1. You can always get it back, no matter how off-track you’ve been. I tend to fall into the same pattern as you, Jen, and I know how it feels. I don’t like to do anything unless I can give it 100%, so on days where I’m feeling less capable, I tend to do nothing. My mom helped me put things in perspective and made me realize that there’s something I CAN do every day, and it doesn’t have to be a 100% effort. So no matter what, do something. Here’s to a new year of more consistency for the both of us.

  2. But I”VE been listening and learning and loving YOU and trying to help you mend…

    I think you’ve got 2014!

    I, too, spent too much of 2013 doing nothing. Shall we address 2014 together? And DO IT RIGHT?

  3. The thing that I think is the most inspirational about this, is that it’s about “again.” When we get off track, it’s easy to forget that we have all the tools and we’ve probably used them before. It’s about picking them off and dusting them off.

penny for your thoughts...

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