- I lose my breath going up stairs. This so totally sucks at work.
- A 3 mile #walkathome feels harder to do now than many moons ago when I was regularly walking with Leslie. I am not kicking or knee-lifting as high. And what leslie calls hamstring curls absolutely kill my left hip/upper thigh region.
- My joints are achy and tight. My ankle (yes, the surgeried one) is super tight. I feel like I am 100 years old when I get out of bed or when I walk around after sitting for any period of time.
- my lower back aches when I do just about anything.
- I am tired a lot of the time. I definitely do best with 8+ hours of sleep but even then I am still tired.
- my gremlin acts up often and is dull and achy almost every day.
- I am still itchy. Not as intense and not all the time, but I definitely am still itchy. When I stay wheat free I am less itchy but I have yet to achieve no itchy. I may need to try dairy free or maybe a round of whole30.
- I miss my flexibility. It has been a very long time since I have been able to do a full split but I want to get that back. More than the splits, I want to move my body more fluidly and comfortably.
- I miss feeling strong. My chiroractor made me stop heavy lifting squats because of neck issues. I stopped almost all lifting, gave up my gym membership, blahblahbla and it has been a very long time since I have pushed my muscles to lift something heavy. I miss it.
So here’s the deal.
I need to lose some weight. I have gained back everything and then some and none of my clothes fit. All the healthy numbers we worry about as we get older (cholesterol, blood pressure, etc.) are great. I will not kid myself. I know I am lucky to be 36 years old and almost a hundred pounds overweight with excellent cholesterol and blood pressure and no problems with diabetes. That being said, I still need to lose weight. It is what it is.
But here’s the thing. I don’t want losing weight to consume me. I did that before. I was super Weight Watcher. I know there are people who can follow WW and not be a freak about it, but not me. I turned into one of those freaky dieters and I didn’t like it. I don’t want to go back to that place. I don’t want to restrict and deprive. 1200, 14, or even 1600 calories may be what “they” would quote me but believe you me, you don’t want to see me on so few calories. Hangry Jen, ideed.
I want to eat healthy. I want to eat delicious. Food is not the enemy. I have come to love preparing and cooking food. I have come a long way in my cooking and I am sure I make and eat way too much of the sweet, rich, heavy foods that are meant to be treats not every day consumption. I love the time I spend in the kitchen. I do not want food to be the enemy.
I don’t want to actually focus on weight loss. I
don’t want to will NOT be a slave to the scale.
Weight loss will be the happy accident of the changes I am working towards.
A couple of six months ago, I changed my handles from @mendingjen to @jengoeszen. I was starting to focus more on yoga and finding some sort of peace. I think it was sort of me faking it until I make it. But I never got around to the making it part. I sort of let my funk and health issue seep into my head…my self & body image have been pretty much in the toilet. All leading to less and less yoga.
Go figure, I try to adjust myself to lean on yoga more and I lean on yoga LESS.
I NEED more yoga and meditation in my life. I feel better when I sneak in some yoga each day. And there is no denying when I add in a few minutes of meditation every day, I find it easier to deal with stressful situations. I can find my breath easier. I rely on my breathing to work out the kinks of stress. When I use my yoga and meditation I feel good.
I also feel good when I squeeze in some walking. When I feel good, I walk more often and just in general accumulate more steps each day.
When I walk I feel good. When I feel good, I want to walk more. When I yoga, I feel good. When I feel good, I yoga more. When I walk and yoga more, I want to walk and yoga more. When I walk and yoga more, I feel better. My body feels good to move and my head feels good. I want to move more. I want to eat better.
When I am not active, it is so much easier to eat junk food. Or wheat. When I am moving and grooving regularly, I want to eat better. It just happens naturally.
I will work on small, daily habits that will keep me active and feeling good about myself. I think that is the key for any sort of lasting
weight loss healthy habits. Healthy habits will go a long way to keeping me happy. At least, its a start.
My life is not perfect but it is good.
Happy is not hard for me….but happy AND healthy, that is going to be the KEY.
Healthy habits I want to work on this week: 10K steps each and every day AND 64 oz of water each and every day.
What healthy habits are you working on this week?
Hugs & Much Love,