Category Archives: weighty matters

SuperStorm Sandy blew into town….


Today was my first day back to school after the storm. Seriously, this was a HUGE storm but our governor was so on top of things. We were under house arrest Sunday, Monday and part of Tuesday. My neighborhood was without power for 30ish hours. SuperStorm Sandy cause a lot of damage, A LOT, only a few miles from my house over on the barrier islands.  I know we lucked out big time. That being said it was rainy, windy and cold. Two different storm systems met and combined with high tides and full moon, it was nasty.  There was a travel ban so no leaving the house until Tuesday. We had no power until Tuesday late night.

Wednesday was for recovery and return to normal and clean up from the mess. We lost a few shingles off our roof (we still have to get someone on the roof to truly assess the damage, we hope not a lot) and had some water in the basement (old house, basement gets water) and we lost power. And I have a 90-pound princess with four legs and she happens to have no problem with  the rain. Many, towels and blankets to be washed. And many mud prints and just plain dirt to be picked up, wiped up or vaccumed up. Now, I know I am a hot mess in the kitchen, but dang, I made a mess finishing my chicken dinner in the dark (that could probably be its own blog post, but you know the power went out as soon as dinner was in the oven).

I cleaned a lot in this little house of mine yesterday.

Then school today.

I am so tired.

And self-realizations

I think handling the storm and lack of power would have been easier if I was more consistent in my physical activity. Scratch that. I know it would be easier if I was already in a routine. Right now, I am sporadic at best. That changes RIGHT NOW. After I post this, I am going to do some yoga before bed!!
It also, couldn’t hurt if I was more consistent in my good eating. No wheat for me. I am convinced I feel better mentally and sort of physically lighter when I don’t eat wheat and sweets. I was starting to get a grip on this. When we lost power, I sort of lost control of my eating. Total anxiety eating, But prior to losing power I was not eating out of stuck-in-house-boredom. So the storm is over and I have no need for anxious eating. I will have an apple for dessert! I do have some yummy honey crisps!!

I realize I handle anxiety and stress so much better when I am eating better and working out regularly. I even see a connection between my scatterbrainedness and distractedness. When I eat right and work out, I tend to stay on task easier. I tend to do one thing at a time instead of starting 6 things before I finish one.

Know when I realized all this…when I finally made myself throw in a yoga dvd after a long day of cleaning.


AwesomER Jen Challenge!! 

So, October is over and I made GREAT strides towards my goals.

  • I logged my food and activity 27 of 31 days (not bad since 2 of those days I was without power…HA).
  • I moved more – not very strictly every day for 30 minutes, but I was more conscious of moving. This month, I get in even more of a swing in the physical fitness area of life…more on this in a post coming your way very soon!
  • I stopped myself from thinking negative thoughts about myself. I am a work in progress and while I want to make changes, I in no way hate myself and I need to be nicer to myself. In fact, my new motto with myself is “talk to myself the way I would talk to my BFF” (except I don’t really have a BFF unless you count AJ and he is but that sounds so corny)

Guess what?!?


I am not done being AwesomER!

I still have work to do!

I am READY for the work!

HELL, I am looking forward to the work.

I have BIG dreams.

And AwesomER is only the beginning!!


chili knocked me down


Last Sunday, my wonderful husband made his way spicy chili. His friends can just smell this cooking. They show up unexpectedly. They wipe many a sweaty brow but they devour this pot of hot. Me, on the otherhand, I am totally chickenshit about the heat of Big Man’s Chili so he makes me my own batch with less peppers than his batch. I can handle some spice but not that crazy melt my face off spicy.

Oh, did I mention the heat all comes from peppers we grew in our garden?!?

So anyway. I ate a delicious and spicy bowl of chili. But before I could finish that yummy bowl, my belly screamed with a serious anger. This was not the first time I had a bit of pain after eating something spicy but within a few hours when the pain had not subsided I knew this was different. OR the same but worse.

Of course, I am still stubborn and it took until Thursday for me to call the doctor. Long story short….gastric inflammation. Could be worse, right?!? Doc prescribed prilosec twice a day for one month. He said I should feel relief in a few weeks (comforting, I know) and to stay away from spicy and overly acidic food. Friday morning I called the pharmacy to make sure my Rx was ready and get this, my insurance won’t cover the medication. Isn’t that grande?!? I was busy at school and did not get call the doctor til late after school. The nurse took my information and doc was supposed to call me with suggestion. (For the record, OTC prilosec is 5 times as costly as prescription and I want to know its worth it)

No call back from the doctor.

And its weekend.

And I have been stupid not made very wise food choices. My appetite has been wacky all week. And with that and hormones running  through, I have not been eating well. Not necessarily junk or too much because for the most part, in the last 6 days, I have not eaten enough. That is not to say, I have only eaten good things because that would be a lie.

Today, I have been tired. So very tired. And my belly is not right. My best guess….ALL has to do with how I have been eating or not eating.  Hormonal gunk has a wee bit to do with being tired, this I am sure.

Random switch of topics….

I have been thinking about goals and what I want and how I get what I want.

I have BIG BIG goals for the upcoming year. I am going to be 35 and I am tired of waiting for the things I want to happen to happen. While I am not ready to share my Big goal, I am ready to start working on it! It is a big one…one that will take about 13 months to pull off but I have learned to start a BIG goal by breaking it into small manageable chunks. So goal #1 is to lose my weight. I have a bunch to  lose but I want to focus on one pound at a time with mini-goals along the way. My first weight loss goal will be to get under 200 pounds. I will do a weigh-in tomorrow and get a starting #.

To reach this goal I am going to continue eating mainly wheat free. I feel better when I eat less wheat. I am going to be more diligent about this, because weekends can not be a wheatapalooza if I hope to truly feel better. I can’t cheat if I want to feel better or if I want to actually lose this weight.

I have been cheating.


I have been cheating myself.

By allowing cheat days, or more relaxed “rules” on the weekends, I am cheating myself of the full benefits of eating mostly wheat free. I am cheating myself the full potential of potential weight loss.

I have not been wanting to put all my effort into losing weight. I was just sort of hoping it would happen. That is pretty lame. But I realize, I have been doing a lot of that lately. I have been waiting around for things to just happen.

I need to make things happen.

Tomorrow morning, I will step on the scale and see where I am starting. I am going to count my calories but I am going to focus on eating good for me foods, real foods. I am going to stick with mostly wheat-free, it works for me and when I don’t eat wheat I tend to make better choices all around. I am NOT going to allow cheat days on the weekends.

I am going to stop getting in my own way. I want this and it is ok to want it!!

random mind dump, weight loss edition



I needed this random mind dump tonight.


  • I think I am making progress on the food front. I am not even close to perfect but in the last 14 days, I have tracked all but one day. I am eating good foods, most of the time, but I my portions are a little big. I am eating mostly wheat free and I think that is good for me on a few levels: my belly gives me less problems, I am more conscious of what else I am eating, I am eating more vegetables and fruits.
  • I drink a lot of coffee. Not the worst thing in the world but not the greatest. I am NOT drinking enough water. Like, AT.ALL. This is just plain dumb and therefore, must be changed.
  • I have been neglecting working out and this is even dumber than not drinking enough water. I have done little things, like adding squats and steps and stairs and yoga poses into my normal daily living. I like doing  this and I will continue, but it is time to make time for real workouts. This means I have to stop allowing distractions, my procrastination, and my excuses. How do I fix this?!? I put it on the plan! I plan a menu every week, why not plan workouts.
  • It is not secret I have been struggling a lot on the weight loss front. TOTALLY MY FAULT. and I totally take responsibility for my actions or lack of. I have not put in anywhere near the effort it requires. I have been all over the place and part of this was me letting myself get away with it and part was me not being able to see the end result. I can’t imagine what 145 would look like. Then I realized, I don’t care what that looks like….actually, it looks like 145 because you see I finally realized for real that I am SO MUCH MORE than a number on a scale. I don’t care about a number on the scale.
  • YES, I want to lose weight but I want to lose enough weight to be able to do certain yoga poses, like this one, without my boobs and belly suffocating me. I want to be able to do push-ups on my toes, and planks for minutes, and wall squats for hours. I want to run again. I want to train for big events again (not because I actually like racing but I do like the training plans). I want to be 90 and still mobile, like my neighbor who is 97 and still mows his own lawn. Yep, that’s what I want!
  • It is totally OK to want these things!! I just have to go after them! AND I AM!
  • I have issues with my dad. I didn’t think I did but  I do! In a very, very big way! Last week, AJ came home from work to tell me my dad had stopped into see AJ at work. As AJ told me what my dad had to say, I felt the tears welling and my chest felt like it was caving in.  My dad has sort of done everything I have asked but to be honest, the last voice mail he left I never even listened to. I still don’t know what I am going to do or what I am going to do but I do know, I need to do something. I have been burying these dad feelings deep down for too long. I must face them…rationally, I know this but that doesn’t make it any easier to pick up the phone.
  • I have fought with my feelings a lot more than I thought. It is time to deal with them, feel them, and work through them. For now, I am going back to regular yoga and regular walking – both activities help me think and feel and think. I have also started talking to AJ about some of my dad issues, my fear about losing weight and losing him, and other emotional gunk. I also have been journaling a bit more. I want to move forward, I NEED to move forward.
  • My AwesomER October Goals are in full effect – while not perfect on any of my goal categories, I am certainly making progress!! I am proud of myself.


#visalus check in, week 3



Since Monday was a holiday around here, husband had the day off and since his scale is at work we decided to just skip this week’s weigh-in.

I did not have the greatest week. Too many indulgences were allowed in and I have no really good reason for it. I spent a lot of time sitting at the computer, not blogging or tweeting or really even facebooking. I was extremely productive with back to school preparations.

It was a blah kind of week. It was sorta yucky weather wise, my daughter ditched me constantly, I am totally broke and I had a million things to get ready for back to school.

I let the chaos and clutter take over everything else. I did not eat enough during the day and then went crazy at night. I know I did not drink enough water and I damn sure did not exercise or move enough.

With school starting, I will focus on finding my balance. I think with the routine of school days, I will find more of a balance for me.

I did log most days. So, I will post. I know this was an off week and so is my recap. I will be more smiley next week.



Day 15 (august 26, 2012)
Shake: chcoolate cherry LFM
Shake: butterfinger – not so good….i made it too think, it was pudding-like
Omlet muffin on english muffin
Dinner: chicken cordon blue, homefries, and italian zucchini

Day 16
Shake: chocolate cherry AM
Shake: chocolate peanut butter banana AM
Dinner: hugh jass salad (genoa salami, hot capicol-sp?!?, ham, provolone, mozzarella, homemade sweet salad peppers, hardboiled egg, pasta, italian packet dressing)

Day 17
Shake: chocolate peanut butter AM
Omlet muffin on english muffin
Shake: tropical (mango, pineapple, banana) pineapple juice, AM
Dinner: chicken caesar salad, small side pasta with leftover spicy shrimp sauce, garlic bread
2 Soft pretzel

Day 18
Shake: strawberry, banana AM
Shake: chocolate cherry AM
sausage pepper sub
1/2 sausge sub
Chips and dip

Day 19
No tracking

Day 20
No tracking

Day 21
No tracking

#junetuneup check-in 1


  A few days ago I posted about my newest challenge. I joined the Shrinking Jeans for their June challenge.

For this challenge I decided to go #wheatfree.  I chose to go #wheatfree after doing some research and realizing wheat may be an issue for me and for my husband. I have random belly issues and my husband has some IBS gastro issues. The doctor really has never given my husband guidance on what he should and should not eat. We have been slowly trying to make healthier food choices but we haven’t been making a lot of progress.

June seemed like the perfect month for a #wheatfree experiment. Luckily for me, the husband jumped on board.  We make one hell of  a team so having him on board with me is AWESOMESAUCE to the 1000th degree.

So, I weighed in at home (for those who know, I usually just weigh at my Weight Watchers meetings on Saturdays) on Friday, June 1st for my “starting weight” and was 228.4lbs. OUCH. I really haven’t lost any weight since January. But its been a learning journey and I am determined to make some progress. So, I won’t and haven’t dwelled on that number.

Today is Wednesday and for the Shrinking Jeans Shrinkers that means Weigh in Wednesdays.  Today I weighed in at 223.6 for a 4.8lb loss.


This #wheatfree things must be working.


It’s not simply the #wheatfree thing. But choosing to be #wheatfree has made it so I am more conscious about my food choices.  I really am thinking about everything I am eating – I am not just grabbing the convenient stuff and I am not eating out of boredom. I know it has only been a 6 days but I feel change happening.

I have been SICK for days.

But I have not used that as an excuse. I have made good food choices and stayed #wheatfree even though I really, really, REALLY, wanted to order pizza.


Not a bad start!

And now we are on to tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that.

One day at a time.

How did you do this week?


#WW, week 14: keep moving forward



I know the scale is not a true measure of my success but seriously, WTF?!?! Can that stupid thing ever cooperate. I would be totally content in any downward movement of the scale. Even a little ittybitty -0.2 would be better than a gain.

gain, loss, gain, loss, loss, gain, gain, gain, loss

14 weeks and I am only down about 5 pounds.  I know, I know, a loss is a loss and at least I am down something. I am making progress in some areas and just because the scale is not very cooperative does not mean I have not been very successful.

In the past 14 weeks, I changed in many positive ways. I have worked on and have been improving my health, physically and mentally.  I joined a freaking gym and I have started a new workout plan and I am loving it.  Lifting weights has helped me not miss running. Hell, let’s be honest, moving my body without running has made me realize, I don’t really miss running at all.  While not perfect, I am learning how to fuel my body. I am eating better, I am not perfect at this but I am making progress. I am eating less sweets and junky foods. And, I am sleeping so much better.

I have lost a few inches across my belly button and boobs.

But the scale has been stubbornly uncooperative.

I am moving on.

I will keep plugging along.

The scale is bound to catch up.

I am going to continue logging my calories on MFP but I will be better about logging my points on WW.  I will continue to make better food choices and hopefully, less of the bad choices. I will continue to workout.

I will focus more on my May goals. I have been slacking with the stretching – sort of half-assing it but I know I need to be better at it. My body will thank me and I am sure those few minutes can be meditative if I let it be.


#WW week 12 & 13


I totally did not post my weight in last week. Ok, I actually sorta did…on my “pounds & inches” page. It all got me thinking, I am really on a different path these days. The scale is only one teeny, tiny part of my week.  Thanks to my mom, I am attending WW meetings and I love my meetings. I love the social aspect and the learning aspect. I really, really like that I step on a scale that I cannot manipulate by jumping on and off until I achieve the “best” number.  I also do not actually see the number.

For me, that just works. I don’t stress the scale anymore. I step on, the receptionist prints out a the little sticker for my book, she tells me my results, we share pleasantries and the stress of the scale is over. This scale procedure has helped me rethink the whole weight loss experience. This is my second attempt with WW and this time the scale does not dictate my success. Last time, I was totally focused on the scale and this time, I am working the program and learning the healthy guidelines. I needed the refresher/reminder about better food choices.

So all this rambling comes down to a new weigh (pun intended, ’cause yeah, I am that much of a dork) for weekly weigh-in posts. I am dropping the weigh-in parts of this post…I will still do a weekly recap and the weekly lesson I learn in my WW meetings but I will only update my weight info on my pounds & inches page. I don’t want to obsess about  the scale, I just want to weigh in at my meeting and be done with it.  Ok?!? ok.


Sorry I missed last week’s meeting and lesson for you.

This week’s meeting was awesome and the message was beyond amazing.  Stephanie (WW leader) started by reading a letter supposedly written by a member who has been struggling and just about ready to give up. The letter writer said, “I hate myself.” Stephanie asked up what we would tell this letter writer.

So many wonderful thoughts went around the room.  Such wonderful advice…like: call a friend, come to a meeting, don’t give up, the scale is not only tool for success, think about positives, don’t focus on negatives.

It all came down to …

Being NICE to ourselves!

Best thing I heard at this meeting: Andrea shared, “if we talked to anyone else the way we talk to ourselves, we should expect someone to punch us…or turn it around, if anyone else spoke to us the way we talk to ourselves, we would punch or slap that person.”


Especially when you consider we are Jersey Girls!

It is time to be nice to ourselves.

Hell yeah!

I love me some me!

most of the times.

And then there are the times when I am so hard on myself. I know that part of that is ingrained in me from childhood; my mom had a habit of pointing out the negatives and ignoring the positives. I won’t go into details because really that would need its very own post.

I have been working on being as positive with myself as I am with everyone else. To know me if to know I am super cheerleader to everyone I meet. I mean everyone. But I am not so good t cheerleading for myself.  I will work harder on it! I will done my cheerleader costume of pig tails, bobby socks & saddle shoes and learn to acknowledge and cheer on the awesome stuff I do and give myself a break when I mess up or am less-than-“perfect” aka human.

At my meeting, I mentioned how as a teacher I have learned to use the power of 3. For every negative, have 3 positives. We have to tell kids when they do something wrong, but we can also mention a few positives. So how about we use this same concept?!?

I am going to take this a step further, and every day, I am going to list 3 positives to happen or 3 gratitudes. Every day there is good…I just need to remember! Every negative (missed workout, sugary meal, binge, excuse, bad food choice, etc) is a chance to learn. Learning is a big positive!  Every day, even the “bad” days, I will think of 3 positives of the day or 3 things I am grateful are in my life!

Can you be nice to you? Can you think of  3 positives for every negative thing you say about yourself? C