Monthly Archives: March 2014

Crying at yin

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Last night I went back to yin yoga. I took a two week break after my car accident. The first week after the car accident, I wasn’t up for class and the second week it was just very difficult juggling my doctors appointments, Q’s physical therapy, work and school with one vehicle. And to be honest, after my accident I was not comfortable driving the truck. I drive a little Hyundai that could probably fit in the bed of my husband’s pickup truck.
Back to last night…
I was late leaving school. It happens sometimes but yesterday, it made me a bit edgy. Feeling jumpy, I thought maybe a hot shower would release some stress and it did its job. For a short period of time. As the clock drew closer to 5pm or the time I should be ready to walk out of my house, I could feel nerves starting to jump again.
I didn’t really want to go to yoga. I didn’t want to drive back over to Ventnor. More, I didn’t want to drive home from Ventnor where three weeks prior I had my car accident.
I got in the car and drove to class more white knuckled than I’d like to admit. I drove slow and I left my house late so I arrived at class 5 minutes late. I forced myself out of my car, into the building, up the stair and into the classroom. I found a nice spot in the back corner and I quickly set up my mat. I almost did not go into class. I almost chickened out.

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One of the first poses of the evening was cow face pose. I tried to get into this pose and realized it was not gonna happen. I tried to fond a comfortable modification but I could not. I felt defeated and broken and fat. My body was not comfortable, my head was not comfortable, and my soul was not comfortable. Sometime during this pose, I felt tears burning my eyes. We switched sides, then added the arms, and by the second side arms, I was full blown crying and trying to not blubber and snot all over myself. We moved on to different poses but I never found my happy place. That place where my brain turns off and I feel the release of the pose. If you have never tried yin yoga, you melt into and stay in the poses for 3-5 minutes.
Letting go is big part of yin. I was so uptight throughout my yin class. At one point I actually checked my watch to see how much time was left in class. and blissfully, as if the teacher read my mind, we moved into heart lung bench pose. This is one of my favorite yin poses. And it was a precursor to corpse or svasana aka the end.
I’ve loved yin from the very first class over a year ago. Last night’s class was difficult and emotional. My body didn’t want to move into or stay in the poses. My neck, shoulders and lower back  have not been happy happy nice my car accident but I didn’t know just how much that bothered me until last night. Driving home, I kept thinking I should just quit yoga. My body is not designed for yoga. I can’t do it, I can’t do it right so why bother.
I’m no good at yoga.
My body is no good.
My mind swirled with these thoughts. I thought I would think about it all night long. But I walked into my house to the smell of dinner and my husband and daughter sitting at the table waiting for me. They make it easy to forget the touch stuff.
But only for so long.
Not long after dinner, I was feeling very emotional. Then came the headache and neck pain. I took some advil and iced my neck but the pressure never really released. This upset me because it was just one more sign if my body hating me. Yep, that’s where my head was last night.
Today, I’m feeling a bit more rational but not a whole lot less emotional. I hoped journaling this out would make me feel better. It did but I’m still not sure what to do. I’m going to sit with the emotions for a while.

 

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February walking with Jost

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This post should have been written and posted last week but I was in a car accident last week and that threw a big monkey wrench into my plans.  {This post is NOT about my car accident or anything that happened after …that is its own blog post} This post is about my monthly walking goals and my JostRunning commitment.

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I started out February with the goal of walking the equivalent of all four races for a total of 48.6 miles. February’s weather was crazy and we wound up with a lot more snow here than we have had for a bunch of years. The smallest bit of snow shuts down everything around here. Added to that, February brought a few opportunities to earn some extra money by teaching a student at his house a few days a week. I jumped on the chance to make extra money.

I did not budget my time very wisely and I realized I was not getting enough miles in each day/week. By the middle of the second week in February I realized I was not going to meet my mileage goal. In the past, this would have caused a complete shutdown and I wouldn’t even try to get more miles. This time I did it differently. When I realized I wasn’t going to hit my goal, I stepped back and evaluated what I could do. I decided I could walk the equivalent of one 5K, one 10K, and one half marathon.

22.4 miles
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I walked inside and outside. Yep, I managed to get two lovely walks outside in February.

JostRunning has given me an incredible opportunity. Blogging for JR has helped me get back into a rhythm with exercise. This experience with Jost has revived my love for walking as exercise, walking as meditation and walking as therapy. I am looking forward to warmer months so I can take my walks outside more often, not that I don’t love my indoor walking.

The last 3 months with Jost have been AMAZING!! I am back to walking with more regularity than I have in the past year. I have a few kinks to work out since I was in a car accident but at least I found my walking mojo before that happened!

It’s March and I think I am blogging one final month for Jost. They have a new website…go check it out at JostRunning. Anywho, I will use this month to focus on making sure my mind and body are right after the accident. I will keep you posted!!

 

 

 

 

disclaimer: JostRunning has  waived registration fees and provided me with free medals in exchange for a blog of my experiences. All thoughts and opinions expressed here are all mine. 

march goaling

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I have a love/hate relationship with goals. I set them and then seem to sabotage myself. I don’t set goals saying I will wing it….and I sabotage myself. Last night I sat in my chair with a blank notepad and a sharpie pen. I wrote down what I want to do with this month. I want to walk more, yoga more, strength train more, blog more. I want less stress and less harshness….mostly the stress and harshness I bring on myself. I want less of the ALL or Nothing that I am usually so good with doing.

Last night I sat with my notepad and my pen and wrote out the thing I want to accomplish this month. And since yesterday was a snow day and the weekend was a bust, I am stating my moth for goal setting purposes starts March 4th and ends March 30th. This is a total of 28 days.

In these 28 days, I want and will do:

  • daily yoga pose – I have chosen a super easy pose but one that will allow me to sit in the pose and do some daily soul-searching or meditation. I have chosen Reclined Bound Angle pose and I will do this every day, either first thing in the morning or before bed on days I don’t do any other yoga practice. Oh yeah, there will probably be no pictures of this…it isn’t about seeding a difference after 28 days, it IS about feeling a difference.
  • sign up for and attend YIN yoga every week. As a birthday gift from my homegirls, Heather and Deb, I am signing up for an 8-week YIN yoga class
  • Attend ONE free yoga class at the Hindu temple
  • #walkathome for a total of 25 miles
  • walk outside (or on treadmill if weather sucks) for a total of 21+ miles (or 3 5Ks, and one 10K)
  • Get Stronger – I recently purchased a book called “100 No-Equipment Workouts” and you guessed it, there are 100 different workouts. To get stronger, I will do a minimum of 12 NEWs (No-Equipment Workouts)
  • Food Journal – no calorie counting, no guilt, just a log of what I am eating. It is time to seriously find out how my belly reacts to foods and to also figure out what is going on with my itchies and my gremlin.
  • 10K Steps per day. I am human and while I want to get to 10K every day, life does happen. These goals are not about perfection. These goals are about progress so I am aiming for 21/28 days with 10K steps.
  • Enbrace #wycwyc – let go of guilt and let go of perfection. Add in movement where and when I can. Bring down my kettlebell. Add in pushups, squats, pullups, planks, bridges, KB swings whenever possible. I want to make #wycwyc a habit…a random habit, but a habit nonetheless.
  • Blog ~ I think 8 blog posts in 28 days is a reasonable goal.
  • Do one active activity each weekend day. This active activity does not need to be exercise for exercise sake (but that would count) but activity for the sake of getting off my ass and doing something, anything!
  • Practice my new ukulele. My daughter gifted me a ukulele for my birthday and I want to learn to play the dern thing.
  • LOOP GOAL – I wear my loop every day but I don’t hit goal nearly enough. I am aiming for 14/28 days at GOAL.
  • Each of the above bullets correspond with a point earned towards my big Rummy points goal.

So there are some goals for the next 28 days. I need to get off my tushy, stop typing and go get moving! It’s time for some walking!!