Monthly Archives: July 2012

I will need your help

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Thursday marks the official end of my summer program.
My last official work day for summer 2012.
I may need to go in one or two days next week but not full days.
And I still have lessons to create, design and prepare for th new school year.
But for the most part, I am looking at most of August being unstructured.

I know, it should give me all the time in the world to work on myself. Plenty of time for all aspects of healthy living, right?!?! Naaah. Instead, I find ways to avoid and procrastinate. I find myself at the beach reading a book…then at home reading another book….until the days slip away with many books devoured but not much else accompllished.
I want this summer to be different!
I want to be productive on a professional and personal level. I want to start the school year with healthy habits firmly in place: physical – moving my body and eating foods that make me feel good, mental – staying on top of my work, and emotional – feeling my feelings and working through feelings.

I want blogging to be more regular because when I blog I face myself and my emotions. I hide from blogging when I don’t want to face the truth. I like blogging. I like this place, it is a place I have used to explore and discover ME.
I found a bloggity challenge designed to make me blog every day and since there is a list of topics I will be exploring. AND it will have the added benefit of giving me something I “have to do” everyday. Janice came up with a perfect and brilliantly timed challenge.
I may have to add a section at the end of each day’s post with my activities of day or previous day depending on what time I decide to blog.

 

I am hoping blogging daily will help me reinforce some of the healthy living habits that I tend to get lazy about when I have too much time on my hands.

But I still need help….will you keep an eye on me? Will you use tweet or facebook or blog comments to ask me what I am doing and if I have exercised today?

 

I don’t want August to slip away. I want August to be AMAZINGLY AWESOME!

Will you help me?

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emotional, hormonal and achy

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I knew I was gonna have a gain this week. It was an emotionally and hormonally charged week. Work was crazy (summer schedule is only one month long and the weeks go FAST) and I got my period – both of which left me wanting to eat everything in sight.

Unfortunately, I let myself do it.

The non-stop eating included pasta, bread and brownies to name a few.

I have been so good at controlling the sweet-toothed bitch that lives inside my ovaries.

We don’t need a rehashing of my transgressions….

needless to say,

I gained 1.2 pounds this week when I went to Weight Watchers.

I knew it was gonna happen.

I deserve every but of it.

I did not track. I must at least journal when I eat.

I ate a lot of crap. I had a belly ache to prove it. side note, I think something I ate is a trigger for some sort of IBS issues.   I have had way too many belly ache issues lately. Journal/tracking will also help me see any patterns between foods and belly issues.

I knew I was going to gain but I went anyway.

I had an excuse to skip WW this week. My mom needed me to help her clean changeovers on Saturday when I am usually at my WW meeting. I stopped at WW for my weigh-in, knowing full well I was going to gain, on my way to my mom’s house. And then we went to clean condos for 4+hours.

Sometimes being a girl is exhausting. Emotionally draining. A sappy commercial can sting my eyes with tears. A not-what-I-wanna-hear comment from my husband can piss me off or make my cry.

And then the stupid scale reflects all the stupid non-stop eating.

*big sigh*

This whole journey is about learning and growing. This week I learned a few things:

  • I need to stay away from brownies all the time but especially during period week.
  • I stay away from “bad” stuff when I eat way less wheat. So, I am going to try to keep wheat to once a day consumption at the most.
  •  My body and mind feel better when I yoga. I can’t believe it has taken me this long to yen for yoga. I know I need to move more, I know I feel better when I move so I know it is time for me to bite the bullet and just move more. Yoga has a way of making my frankenleg feel so good – my calf gets such a good stretch and my arch doesn’t ache if my calf is stretched enough.
  • When I first started this journey, way back way, I loved walking (out on my bikepath or in my living room with my walking dvds). I think I can go right back to my walking ways. Walking can only be good. In fact, I picked up a playaway audiobook from my library to test out on my walks. I have plenty of walking dvds and there a bunch on-demand. 30 minutes, most days, I just have no excuse.
  • While I have other equipment (ugi, resistance bands, kettlebells), I don’t need to do everything all at once. I am just going to concentrate on yoga and walking. I am not worried about what time of day I do either as long as I do one or both each day.
  • Tomorrow is a new day. A new chance to figure out how to make it all work for me. A new day to make good choices.

I should probably go to bed.

 

Finding my Happy Fit

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It is no big secret, I bave been struggling to find my way in the fitness world since my surgery. I joined gym and I started lifting weights. I also hit the elliptical pretty hard, up to an hour several times a week. It was too much too soon and my calf let me know. I rested by totally resting.
All
Injury
Surgery
Recovery
All
Nothing

I have always been all or nothing.
But I am working on that.
I am really working on it!

I have the food stuff sorta figured out. Like everything else, I am a work in progress, but I feel like I am taking control of food and my eating rather than the other way around. I have even been losing a little bit of weight – slow and steady, like a turtle. I won’ t lie to you or myself and say it is always easy or there is never a binge, but I will say I am feeling happy with my progress. In the grand scheme, I am happy where I am.

I have to remember I am happiest when I am true to myself. In the social media world we live in, it is easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. It is easy to get caught up in their excitement and even easier to want to be part of that excitement. I have tried many things because someone in my tribe was raving about it – running, weight lifting, and even morning workouts.
I am not so much good in the morning.
And I am not ready to run again.
But that doesn’t mean I can give up on finding my fitness!
For now, I am stepping back from the hardcore.
I am stepping back from my crazy need to be part of the group…I know I can do my own thung and my friends will still be there for me.
I can find my fitness without making myself crazy. Maybe if I’m lucky, my fitness will keep me sane. For now, I am enjoying my yoga streak. I feel like I am working my muscles but I am also working my heaad, heart and body connection.

Last night, I looked at my husband and said, “we need to take this dog for a walk.” And we did. And husband told me, if I initiate it, he will walk with me and Lucy. I can be in charge of this, it is goid for all of us! And it is one more of fitting in fitness not forcing it!
Plus, I do have a cute walking partner!

mind dump

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Warning: hormonal ramblings/rantings ahead! I need to clear my head and I may need to look back at this as a reminder in the future.

 

I am stressed.

And it’s all about money.

There is never enough.

We are lucky, Big Man is working again (at least part time) and we are digging our way out of the hole, but it sucks. Some days it sucks more than others. Today, it sucks real bad.

I am so conflicted.

On one hand, I know how lucky we are. I do know how good we have it. That would be rational practical Jen. She understands that we can pay our bills, we have a safe rood over our heads, we have delicious and healthy food on our table, and we have a great relationship (yep, all 3 of us, even the teen).

On the other hand, I want to be able to do things without “figuring” it out. That would be Wants It All/Now Jen. Let’s just say, she is quite grumpy that practical Jen always wins out.

Enough of that, I am not good at writing in crazy person. 

I have to be honest, there is a tiny part of me that really wants to throw a hissy fit. I work hard why is it such a struggle to get ahead. It just isn’t fair! Yep, I said it…and I know, I know…life ain’t fair. But today is just one of those days where I want to stomp my feet and throw a hissy fit.

Instead, I blog. It feels good to get this gunk out of my head. I don’t blog for pity or advice – unless I ask for it, and when I need it I will ask. I am not silly enough to not ask for what I need.

Today, I needed to dump this out of my head. I am hormonal and apparently that has just made tight finances freak me out. I don’t really know why I let it get to me so much. Every year at this time, I stress about paying everything.

I think I need to work on my budget just a bit better so I don’t have to stress next year. This year IS easier than it was last year. #alwayslearning

Alright, I feel better now. I feel more clearminded. I also think I need to work on a few things that could help my purse strings.

Let’s end this post on a positive note…

Today I completed Day #7 of my yoga streak!!

 

let’s go streaking

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nope, not this kind of streaking.

let’s not even talk about the fact I am not running anywhere…

naked boobies will not be bouncing down the road. not any time soon.

But I do want to streak!

I decided the other day I wanted to make a commitment to yoga. I tweeted it, I put it on my facebook status. I talked with my friend about it. I really want to commit to yoga. I think I need to make that mind body connection. I think I have been searching to get to this place. If I let it, I know yoga can help me truly embrace my blog title: listening, learning, loving, and mending. I am not saying I think yoga is going to instantly fix my calf or my mental state but I do believe, if I am open to it, anything is possible.

Yesterday, one of my #fitfuential peeps posted a 30 minute beginner yoga practice video. I watched it through last night and I was impressed because it seemed to truly be just what it claims to be…a beginner yoga video. I have tried several beginner yoga dvds but so far, this one made me feel so at ease. So ready to learn yoga.

Today, I actually did the video.

Summer schedule is in effect and today I squeezed in some time with Big Man since he was home and the kid was at the water park with her friend. We had a nice leisurely lunch before I headed back to work. With a husband home (and I have a tiny house) and a Lucy, I knew getting quiet time for yoga might not happen so I took my mat, blanket and stretch strap with me to school. After a few hours of paperwork, yoga was very much needed because somehow, sitting at my desk filling out forms is not good for the back and I wound up with a tweak in my shoulder area. I set up my area near the tv, and since there is no AC in my room and the heat index today was over 100*F I set up a fan to blow right on my mat.

I really liked the “workout.” I don’t want to call it a workout because even though I worked up a sweat and my muscles were feeling it, it didn’t feel like a workout. I closed all the blinds in my room, shut both door, and turned the lights out. I set the stage like a real yoga class as much as I could.

It was awesome.

After 5, my building was quiet. Hot but quiet. I almost forgot where I was. I found the video challenging yet instructional and perfectly beginner friendly. I will use this video frequently, I think, while I continue with my new commitment to yoga.

I received a reply to one of my posts about making a yoga commitment about a 30-day yoga challenge. A friend of a friend did yoga in some form every day for 30 days. Simple enough but I wasn’t sure about such a commitment. That is until today. After successfully yoga-ing today, I feel more resolved to make yoga part of my daily activity. I felt so good after today and I have to see where this takes me.

So…

Today was day #1.

Tomorrow is day #2.

Let’s see how far I can take this streak.

 

So….my next question is….

do you wanna streak with me?!?

point 2

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I am officially on a losing streak! I have now lost (or maintained once) every week for eight weeks straight. In those 8 weeks, I have lost 7.6 pounds. So, almost a pound each week. When I lay it all out like that, I am totally happy with the results.

I stopped making losing weight a priority and started losing weight. Crazy, right?!? I have been focusing on how I feel. And I want to feel good.

I don’t want food and food counting (points or calories or any of that stuff) to be the sole point of this journey. I want to enjoy food…I mean, seriously, I LOVE food. I love being in the kitchen cooking food, scouring pinterest for new recipes, and I really, really love eating yummy foods. Food should be fun. Not punishment. Food should not be feared.

I refuse to make food the enemy. I want to lose weight but I don’t want to do it some hung-ho-balls-to-the-wall crazy fad diet. I am not really that committed to crazy. I may be a little crazy but the good kind!

Obviously, my slow and steady and listen to my body/heart approach is working. I am eating really good and good for me foods. I am certainly not perfect with my eating but I am finally feeling in control of my eating. I have pretty much cut my wheat consumption way down – I started off trying to go completely wheat free but I quickly realized some days it is hard to feed the family spaghetti and meatballs and not have any myself. Also, a girl needs a sandwich every now and again. For the most part, I like how I feel when I eat a lot less wheat.

I think I have a good handle on the food stuff. However, I have not been really doing much on the fitness stuff. As in, I have done almost nothing on the fitness front. I am not sure what my problem with working out is, but I just can’t seem to get myself there.

Is it weird that I have no desire to sweat?

I just am not in the mind frame to go all hardcore, badass. I need to step back from the all or nothing mentality. For me badass and hardcore are just not in my best interest these days. These days, I need to take the point twos and be happy with slow, steady baby steps.

And not to contradict myself, but I am challenging myself to get into yoga. I may not want to work our but I know I need to do something. I need to make some sort of physical activity a part of my daily life but I want to take it easy. Start off slow. I know that sounds wussy, but I don’t want to fizzle. I will start by taking my dog for a walk every day. AND I want to get into yoga. I have dvds and access to a really cheap class (plus I can take 2 yoga classes at the gym before my membership runs out next month) pretty close to home.

Here’s to the next .2!