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Hey Ya’ll!! 

I moved my blog to a self-hosted wordpress.org site and while my URL is the same, I realize some of you are not getting my updates. Please re-subscribe so you don’t miss any of my awesomeness!!

I love you guys! 

I am not a runner…..

And that is OK!

Its really OK!

Carla posted a picture the other day….a picture of our tribe. I believe the picture was take right before the early morning run of the first fitbloggin. I looked at that picture, then I went and found each year’s fitbloggin group picture. Wow! Our tribe has grown. The fitbloggin’ tribe is awesome and diverse – with many, many different areas of focus. Within this community you can find blogs on healthy living, weight loss, self acceptance, self love, runners, cross fitters, yogis, walkers, hikers, bikers, swimmers and I am sure I am missing some. Pretty diverse huh?!? Sometimes, in this huge group of awesome and talented and fit people, I feel very overwhelmed. And its SO easy to get swept up in their excitement.  If I think back to when I trained for my first (and only) half marathon, I realize I got swept up in the online running excitement. My friends at Shrinking Jeans had just done a half marathon with Team in Training and there were lots of, “if I can do this anyone can” sentiments flying about the interwebs. I didn’t really like running in high school but I thought I could do it.

And I did it!! I completed a half marathon. I used the Jeff Galloway method of run/walk/run and I rocked it! Well, I finished it and that means I rocked it! But I was tired and HURTING!

And I took a long time off running.

Then I planned and trained for two more half marathons. I didn’t even start either of these halfs (injury, surgery, recovery, you know the story….but if you don’t, just ask) and I am not sure I ever got over this. I say this because when my one year from surgery rolled around, I decided I had to do a full marathon. It would be on the two year anniversary of my surgery and it would be my chance to redeem myself for the two halfs I did not even get to start.

I recently made the decision to NOT run a marathon.

I realize I was reacting emotionally. I was once again getting caught up in the excitement. And, watching your friends hit PRs really is exciting. I wanted to run and be part of  that awesome club. But when it came down to the training, I was getting panicky. When I would run (well, run/walk/run) I was hitting 3-4 miles and it was HARD but I was enjoying it. Well, I was enjoying it until I started thinking about the long runs. Anything over 5 miles was making me panicky. I started to dread each and every run.

Self-doubt, fear, and worry crept in and running was no longer fun.

I realize I need to do what makes me happy.

I need to do the fitness activities I want to do.

I want to lift weights! I want to practice yoga!

I want to get in shape where I can play volleyball.

I want to have fun and be fit!

I want to be fit and an inspiration.

But if I can’t inspire myself to be consistent, how can inspire anyone else?!?

I am not a runner and I am ok with just being me!

 

don’t you want to look better?

A post workout selfie!!

Last week, before the great allergy sickness took hold, I was at the gym after school on a Monday afternoon. It was a planned lifting day on lifting days I start with anywhere from 5-15 minutes on the elliptical. I love my time on the elliptical! Call me crazy but I like it! I also use the elliptical or treadmill on non-lifting days to get in extra movement because I sit way too much!

Well, anyway back to last week. I use the elliptical warm up time to warm up, braid/tie up my hair, check in on Facebook, look over my workout(when I lift, I usually bring my paper log ini with me) and then I peek around the gym to see what’s what. So, I’m doing my normal elliptical routine when one of the trainers comes up to talk. He’s nice, introduces himself and shakes my hand and tells me he’s one of the new trainers here at the gym.
Side note: I had a hard time not laughing at this boy and saying duh. He was wearing the black tank top ALL the trainers at the gym wear…it has bright yellow lettering.
I’m starting to feel this cold coming on so I’m sorta in a snarky mood so I say, “let me guess, you’re going to tell me how you have the answer and I should let you train me.”
“You’re going to tell me how you want it get me off this cardio machine and lifting weights, right?!?”
Trainer boy (I forget his name so he will be TB) smirked, he knew I had him. To be fair to him, he’s the second new trainer that has hit me up while I was cardio-ing. Nothing about either of these trainers instill any confidence that they can help me. They all want to get gym member to sign up for their FITX class or personal training hours. I am currently working my own plan but to be fair I asked TB what he could do for me that I couldn’t do myself.
He asks me, “don’t you want to look better?”
I responded before I could think with, “I already look awesome.”
I shocked myself with my response. I have mulled my statement over for the last week. I took the last week off from the gym recovering from my sickness (allergies or cold or both, who knows….sickness) and I haven’t been back or really active. But I have thought about that conversation with TB.
So I shocked myself….but is there truth in my statement?
Do I believe I look awesome?
Truth is…sometimes.
Do I believe I am awesome?!?
hell yeah! I am awesome!

I need to do some more work with what this all means. But I am awesome. Most days I believe it. Could I put more effort? Sure. But I have noticed that the more I take care of me, the more awesome I feel.
I am sure a trainer looks at me and sees an overweight women schlepping thru cardio. I must need your help to get skinny and happy. I guess to trainers at the gym I look like a dollar sign….because I must want to look better…..why else would I be at the gym?!?

I must look good….my husband is forever chasing me around trying to “get some.”
Funny, it took a rude question from a stranger for to realize I already know the answer

I already look good!!
I already look better!!

So do you!!!

Aah aah aaachhooo

I am sick or I have allergies or some of both. Anyway you name it, I’m feeling totally miserable.
But this post really isn’t about being sick…well, not exactly.
I’m working on new goals these days:
1. Live my blog title and actually listen, learn, love, and mend.
2. Work thru and complete New Rules of Lifting for Women.

I have been at the gym quite regularly and I’m happily finding my groove. I’m actually looking forward to my time at the gym.
Getting sick is putting a damper on my gym and lifting adventures.
Monday, I made it to the gym and had a great workout but it wiped me out. I had a hard time catching and keeping my breath while I warmed up and chatted with a pesky trainer. I noticed it took a bit longer to breathe normally between sets. But I powered thru my workout and I felt pretty kickass.
Then I woke up the next morning to a Mac truck sitting on my head and razorblades in my throat. Unfortunately, I need to be in school right now. There is just too much going on to be sick. Thankfully, I have great students and they have been so helpful and have taken over all reading duties until I have a voice back.
Tuesday was the first time in months I did not take a gym bag to school. You see, I have learned the absolute best time for me to go to the gym is on my way home from school. It just works! I knew if I took my bag, I would go to the gym. And at 7:30 in the morning, I knew I would need a nap at 3pm not an hour on the elliptical. So I planned a rest day.
And I am so glad I did! I needed the rest.
Yesterday (Wednesday) was not much better. OK OK. It was worse. Add in a whole lotta sneezing and coughing and I just plainly feel worse. Yesterday, I had to make the decision not to travel to Maryland to spend the weekend with my bestie and run the Warrior Dash. I am bummed and pissed and sad and angry and annoyed and tired and tired and sick!

I am trying to honor my body.
I am learning to listen to my body and do right by it.

It’s not always easy. I often fight between what my body needs and what my head thinks I need or worse yet, what I think I should be doing. And what I think I should be doing isn’t always what is best for me.

How do you manage the struggle with the inner battle?

I’m back baby

you may have noticed I was missing!

Well, I wasn’t missing missing. I knew where I was the whole time!! and if you follow me on instagram and/or facebook and/or twitter you have probably seen my smiley face pop up here and there. I was only missing from my blog. I have been in the process of moving my blog to a self-hosted platform. And since I am not tech-savvy at all, my awesome friend Karen stepped in and helped me. But before she did, I stopped adding new stuff….I could have posted but I let myself enjoy some time off.

While I was on this impromptu blog hiatus, I did some much needed me work in the gym. I have been working on finding my rhythm, finding my consistency and I think I found it…at least in the gym anyways. Don’t ask about other areas of my life….

’cause seriously,

I’m a hotmess!!

But I’m working on that…not changing it, but rather being ok with it!

I have a TON I want to blog about and I will blogging more regularly…seriously, I can’t pay for self-hosting and then not blog. Which, is also my logic with the gym…I paid for a 6-month membership so I better use the gym for all my money’s worth.

So, what I have been up to in the last month?!?

I am so glad you asked!!

And you will get the bullet point version of what I have been doing with myself:

• I didn’t get the attic completely clean, but its WAY more organized. I am purging and have created keep & sell & throw away piles….I was planning on participating in a yard sale but the date was not good…because I will be in Maryland participating in my first ever Warrior Dash!
• oh yea, I signed up for a Warrior Dash. I will be heading down to Maryland on May 17th. I will be having a grownup slumber party with my bestie Heather before we warrior dash. I am stoked for this event!! A weekend with my bestie…and my first Warrior Dash….oh yeah, I am a tad excited!!
• I did NOT complete Stage 1 of NROLFW (New Rules of Lifting For Women) but I did continue. I added in a few extra workouts to this stage to work on my form for dead lifts and squats. I am still lifting and loving it more than ever!
• I finished my 7-week Yin Yoga class! I LOVED this form of yoga. This class really helped me find the mind-body connection I have heard so much about.
• I decided NOT to train for and run/walk the Philadelphia marathon.
• I stopped weighing myself obsessively. In fact, the last time I stepped on the scale was April 1st.
• I have decided to stop dieting and truly start living!
• I realized I need to stop STOP the insanity!!! I do not do well with EVERY DAY challenges, you know the ones…pick any activity and DO IT every day….every time I sign on to these challenges, I miss a day and then feel so badly about it. Then I make it worse by not doing said activity again. Vicious cycle.
• I am sure I am missing a TON of stuff I have done since I last I blogged but I am sure its the normal mundane living stuff and I don’t want to bore myself with that so I really won’t bore you.

As you can see, I have kept myself busy. I am still working on me but I am changing my approach and my perspective. I am working on following and living my blog title…yanno…listening, learning, loving and mending!!

I’m back baby!!

and I am going to find a blogging pattern because I also realized just how much I enjoy and need my blogging. It truly is a place for my to journal and work through some of my thoughts, feelings, emotions. I am a hotmess but as long as I am moving I am making progress.

So here’s to progress!

Did you miss me?!?