learning & progress

I have a secret.  A BIG secret. I am not ready to announce but know it is something on my mind almost all the time right now. Just know that I am working on something pretty big. I won’t keep you in suspense for too long…mainly because I am terrible at keeping secrets.

For now I am going to keep this one under wraps.

Last week, I blogged that I was ready to start working on losing weight. I was ready to start taking control. I have been logging my food over at myfitnesspal.com since October 1. Until this weekend, I only had one friend on this site. Until last week, I didn’t want eyes on what I was doing. I didn’t want anyone to witness my failures or my lack of real effort. I kept this hidden. I tend to do this as an out. No one knows, so I can make excuses or no progress….blah…this is terrible thinking.

I am learning I need to reach out to the right people.I need to reach out in ways that are beneficial to me and my journey. And I realize, I need to this at my own pace and I need to make the mistakes so I can learn and move on!

I have learned….I need support and encouragement and to be called out when I deserve it. I am mendingjen on myfitnesspal.com and I would love for you to add me!

I want to be accountable. Even if you never look to see if I am logging over there, just knowing you are there.

I have been doing a great job at logging my food…in fact, including today, I am 26 of 28 days! This is huge for me…I have been awful about logging my food. Usually, I have a lousy food day and I don’t want to log it and that turns into days of not logging. This time, I am determined to keep this log. It is not about being guilty about what I am eating or being guilty about the number of calories consumed. I am logging everything I eat and paying attention to how my body reacts. Right now, spicy foods are a big no-no as I have been having gastric pain. I do better with little to no wheat in my life – my belly thanks me!

I have been tracking but not losing weight. This week, I am hoping I made some strides towards changing that. Tomorrow is my official weigh in day but I have already peeked at the scale. I can’t help it, I think the more I see the scale the less it bothers me.

As much as I want to lose weight, I want more to find the healthy habits that work best for me. I don’t want to eat a certain way to lose weight then gain it all back when I go back to “normal” eating. I want to redefine my normal.

I need to blog more of this journey.  I should be getting my thoughts out of my head and out in the universe more often. Blogging really does help me stay focused and accountable. Plus, I need more structured time in my day. When I have free time, I tend to get lazy. I don’t know why but I recognize it.

I have to be better about getting my physical activity in. I feel better when I am active. I eat better and I sleep better when I am active. But, deep down, I am lazy. I know this. I fight this. Again, this is where I am better with my activities planned out. I miss having a training plan to follow.

This has been an eye-opening week.

Whatever the scale says tomorrow.

I had a fantastically, productive week.

#makingprogress

#takingcareofme

 

I will be back to tell you all about how I prepared for Hurricane Sandy!

 

a humbling start

I am feeling better from my round of inflammation. I am still on no meds but eating a non-spicy diet. I refuse to say bland, because I do NOT make bland food! Anyhoo, I am feeling better and last night I put it out there that enough was enough, it is time I worked on my shit.

I guess that makes today a new day #1 (however, I plan on treating every day like day #1 so I always have that day 1 excitement). I stepped on the scale and the 4 pounds I had lost over the last month, I found sitting right there on the scale. I am not surprised – hormones and junk food this past weekend will lead to a bit of a bump on the scale. But I have my starting point, and my first (of many) BIG goals…to lose 22 pounds.  (Just wait, 22 becomes a theme)

Last night, I packed a bag with sneakers and walking clothes, my HRM strap (I sorta wear the watch* almost always), an ipod and my new nike sensor. I planned and walked 1 mile on the treadmill at school so I could 1. calibrate my sensor** and 2. test out my new shoes ***

Today was a good day. I planned it well.

I know Sunday nights I am up later than I should be watching football or Boardwalk Empire and Treme. I always have the best intentions of getting to bed at a decent time but it just doesn’t happen. I planned for being tired. I had lunch and breakfast ready to go. All I had to do was put it all in a bag and take it to work. The alarm went off, I got up and out of bed, weighed in and was in the shower in no time. I got to work…blahblahblah…finished my day, changed into my workout clothes (all sitting neatly in my neatly packed bag from last night, packed up to leave, turned the lights out and headed down to the little gym in the basement.

22 minutes.

That is how long it took me to walk a mile on the treadmill.

Now, I am not disappointed (well, a little maybe) or discouraged. Ok, I didn’t think it would be that slow. Or that hard. Hard may not be the best word, but I felt every step. And I am so glad I took them. I have big dreams, and I need to get off my ass to accomplish them.

What’s that saying?!?

The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step…

Yeah, that must be it!

Today, I walked one mile.

999 more to go!

Tomorrow I am going to walk outside.  I have a meeting and then a few free hours and my meeting is conveniently located near a local zoo. I think some walking with the animals is just what the doctor ordered.

For now, I need to go pick out an outfits and decide on breakfast and snack for meetings and pack bags.

Goodnight!

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*As a Polar Ambassador, I was sent the FT60 for free. In exchange, I talk about my thoughts on Polar. All thoughts and opinions expressed on this blog will always be my honest thoughts and opinions. I would tell everyone about the awesomeness of Polar even if I wasn’t an ambassador. A few years Polar’s heart rate training programs helped me learn to run and I hope to do it again.

**I bought the  Nike Sensor myself. The link above is NOT an affiliate link.

***I am lucky enough to have been sent a few pairs of the new minimus shoes at New Balance. I have recently discovered that rigid shoes hurt my feet, especially my surgeried leg. New Balance sent me the new minimus to test out. All thoughts and opinions are mine. I will document my new adventures as they happen.

~~I guess I should also mention, no one even asked me to blog about these things! Yup, that’s all me!

weekly menu, sunday october 21

Sunday: Shrimp Scampi over rice

Monday:  Chicken Prosciutto Roll-ups with pasta on side (spaghetti squash for me)

Tuesday: Stuffed Peppers zucchini pancakes

Wednesday: Sirloin, baked potatoes & green veg

Thursday: CrabCakes

Friday: CheeseSteaks and Salad

Saturday:  Roast Chicken & root vegetables

 

*extras for lunches/snacks

• zucchini, tomato frittata
• (ground chicken) meatza
• mini-beef burgers
• cauli/broccoli cheddar soup

 

weekly menu, monday october 15.

Monday: Pepper Steak – asian style over while rice

Tuesday: Chili Cheese Fries (Big Man’s Super Spicy Chili over oven fries) and hot dogs.

Wednesday: Crockpot Garlic Chicken with potatoes and a veg (not sure how I will make either, it will depend on what comes home from the produce store after school)

Thursday: Chicken & (chicken sausage) Andouille Gumbo – I have a big package of chicken thighs I am cooking up Wednesday in the crockpot so this dinner will be a cinch!

Friday: Beef & Cabbage “Goulash” over potatoes (for me) or egg noodles (husband and daughter)

chili knocked me down

Last Sunday, my wonderful husband made his way spicy chili. His friends can just smell this cooking. They show up unexpectedly. They wipe many a sweaty brow but they devour this pot of hot. Me, on the otherhand, I am totally chickenshit about the heat of Big Man’s Chili so he makes me my own batch with less peppers than his batch. I can handle some spice but not that crazy melt my face off spicy.

Oh, did I mention the heat all comes from peppers we grew in our garden?!?

So anyway. I ate a delicious and spicy bowl of chili. But before I could finish that yummy bowl, my belly screamed with a serious anger. This was not the first time I had a bit of pain after eating something spicy but within a few hours when the pain had not subsided I knew this was different. OR the same but worse.

Of course, I am still stubborn and it took until Thursday for me to call the doctor. Long story short….gastric inflammation. Could be worse, right?!? Doc prescribed prilosec twice a day for one month. He said I should feel relief in a few weeks (comforting, I know) and to stay away from spicy and overly acidic food. Friday morning I called the pharmacy to make sure my Rx was ready and get this, my insurance won’t cover the medication. Isn’t that grande?!? I was busy at school and did not get call the doctor til late after school. The nurse took my information and doc was supposed to call me with suggestion. (For the record, OTC prilosec is 5 times as costly as prescription and I want to know its worth it)

No call back from the doctor.

And its weekend.

And I have been stupid not made very wise food choices. My appetite has been wacky all week. And with that and hormones running  through, I have not been eating well. Not necessarily junk or too much because for the most part, in the last 6 days, I have not eaten enough. That is not to say, I have only eaten good things because that would be a lie.

Today, I have been tired. So very tired. And my belly is not right. My best guess….ALL has to do with how I have been eating or not eating.  Hormonal gunk has a wee bit to do with being tired, this I am sure.

Random switch of topics….

I have been thinking about goals and what I want and how I get what I want.

I have BIG BIG goals for the upcoming year. I am going to be 35 and I am tired of waiting for the things I want to happen to happen. While I am not ready to share my Big goal, I am ready to start working on it! It is a big one…one that will take about 13 months to pull off but I have learned to start a BIG goal by breaking it into small manageable chunks. So goal #1 is to lose my weight. I have a bunch to  lose but I want to focus on one pound at a time with mini-goals along the way. My first weight loss goal will be to get under 200 pounds. I will do a weigh-in tomorrow and get a starting #.

To reach this goal I am going to continue eating mainly wheat free. I feel better when I eat less wheat. I am going to be more diligent about this, because weekends can not be a wheatapalooza if I hope to truly feel better. I can’t cheat if I want to feel better or if I want to actually lose this weight.

I have been cheating.

LIGHTBULB MOMENT HERE!!!

I have been cheating myself.

By allowing cheat days, or more relaxed “rules” on the weekends, I am cheating myself of the full benefits of eating mostly wheat free. I am cheating myself the full potential of potential weight loss.

I have not been wanting to put all my effort into losing weight. I was just sort of hoping it would happen. That is pretty lame. But I realize, I have been doing a lot of that lately. I have been waiting around for things to just happen.

I need to make things happen.

Tomorrow morning, I will step on the scale and see where I am starting. I am going to count my calories but I am going to focus on eating good for me foods, real foods. I am going to stick with mostly wheat-free, it works for me and when I don’t eat wheat I tend to make better choices all around. I am NOT going to allow cheat days on the weekends.

I am going to stop getting in my own way. I want this and it is ok to want it!!

random mind dump, weight loss edition

 

I needed this random mind dump tonight.

 

• I think I am making progress on the food front. I am not even close to perfect but in the last 14 days, I have tracked all but one day. I am eating good foods, most of the time, but I my portions are a little big. I am eating mostly wheat free and I think that is good for me on a few levels: my belly gives me less problems, I am more conscious of what else I am eating, I am eating more vegetables and fruits.
• I drink a lot of coffee. Not the worst thing in the world but not the greatest. I am NOT drinking enough water. Like, AT.ALL. This is just plain dumb and therefore, must be changed.
• I have been neglecting working out and this is even dumber than not drinking enough water. I have done little things, like adding squats and steps and stairs and yoga poses into my normal daily living. I like doing  this and I will continue, but it is time to make time for real workouts. This means I have to stop allowing distractions, my procrastination, and my excuses. How do I fix this?!? I put it on the plan! I plan a menu every week, why not plan workouts.
• It is not secret I have been struggling a lot on the weight loss front. TOTALLY MY FAULT. and I totally take responsibility for my actions or lack of. I have not put in anywhere near the effort it requires. I have been all over the place and part of this was me letting myself get away with it and part was me not being able to see the end result. I can’t imagine what 145 would look like. Then I realized, I don’t care what that looks like….actually, it looks like 145 because you see I finally realized for real that I am SO MUCH MORE than a number on a scale. I don’t care about a number on the scale.
• YES, I want to lose weight but I want to lose enough weight to be able to do certain yoga poses, like this one, without my boobs and belly suffocating me. I want to be able to do push-ups on my toes, and planks for minutes, and wall squats for hours. I want to run again. I want to train for big events again (not because I actually like racing but I do like the training plans). I want to be 90 and still mobile, like my neighbor who is 97 and still mows his own lawn. Yep, that’s what I want!
• It is totally OK to want these things!! I just have to go after them! AND I AM!
• I have issues with my dad. I didn’t think I did but  I do! In a very, very big way! Last week, AJ came home from work to tell me my dad had stopped into see AJ at work. As AJ told me what my dad had to say, I felt the tears welling and my chest felt like it was caving in.  My dad has sort of done everything I have asked but to be honest, the last voice mail he left I never even listened to. I still don’t know what I am going to do or what I am going to do but I do know, I need to do something. I have been burying these dad feelings deep down for too long. I must face them…rationally, I know this but that doesn’t make it any easier to pick up the phone.
• I have fought with my feelings a lot more than I thought. It is time to deal with them, feel them, and work through them. For now, I am going back to regular yoga and regular walking – both activities help me think and feel and think. I have also started talking to AJ about some of my dad issues, my fear about losing weight and losing him, and other emotional gunk. I also have been journaling a bit more. I want to move forward, I NEED to move forward.
• My AwesomER October Goals are in full effect – while not perfect on any of my goal categories, I am certainly making progress!! I am proud of myself.

 

BANJEES baby – UPDATED

I am the kind of girl who almost never carries a purse.

I am the kind of girl who rarely has pants with pockets.

I am the kind of girl who is forever searching for her car keys and cell phone and driver’s license.

I am the kind of girl who drives her husband CRAZY when I am late for work but still running around the house looking for my keys.

ENTER the BANJEES Wrist Wallet….

I was one of the lucky Fitfluential Ambassadors given the opportunity to take the BANJEES Wrist Wallet for a test spin.  YES, I received a beautiful BANJEES for free, all opinions are my own, and if you read through, I even have one for you!!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

First, the particulars….right from Sprigs site:

Why a Wrist Wallet?

We love the outdoors, we love exercise and we love not being locked out of our home after a nice run. But carrying keys in your pocket isn’t always an option. And when it is an option, sometimes keys flopping around in your pocket is down-right uncomfortable. So we went looking for a quality, comfortable wrist wallet that could fit more than just one key and maybe a credit card. We found lots of outdated fanny packs, and lots of Velcro closures.  We were left with only one choice: design our own wrist wallet.

What makes a Banjees Wrist Wallet the best wrist wallet?

We think the Banjees Wrist Wallet is the best available because they:

• are wicking, stretchy and comfortable
• come in more styles than any other wrist wallet
• are machine washable

The design patent on the Big Banjees Wrist Wallet also called the Phone Banjees Wrist Wallet has been granted! We’re thrilled about this and look at it as confirmation that we make the best wrist wallet available.

Who are Banjees Wrist Wallets for?

Banjees are the ideal wallet for runners, but they are also make a great wallet for the beach or cycling, or yoga, or… Well, you get the idea. But wrist wallets aren’t just for the outdoorsy type. A Banjees wrist wallet is great for those times when you need to carry more than your pockets can hold, but you don’t want to carry a bag, like your child’s soccer practice, or a quick jaunt to the store.

Where/When I have used my Banjees Wrist Wallet:

• at the beach – I put my car key in my Banjees while I was swimming. I didn’t have to worry about losing my car key or leaving my keys and other “valuables” sitting on the beach while I was in the water.
• out for every walk with my Lucy (dog). I put my house key and a poop bag in my Banjees.
• quick trips to the convenient stores, especially if I walked.
• afterschool walks through the park.
• out to the bar for girls night – again, I want to be hands-free but I need an ID, car key and money with me!!
• Bloomsburg Fair – yep a HUGE fair with attendance of over 70,ooo people, I used a wrist wallet so money was easily at hand but not easily lost like it could be in a pocket.

My opinions:

• I really, really dislike carrying a bag, especially on a walk when all I need is a key.
• I think if my arm was a bit smaller, I would have more room for “stuff” in my BANJEES Wrist Wallet.
• I still have a “stupid” phone, and it is too big for the BANJEES Wrist Wallet but that is ok, when I am out for a walk, I don’t need my phone.
• BANJEES Wrist Wallet is PERFECT for walking my dog. Lucy is a big girl, having poop bag right at my wrist is just plain convenient. (anyone with a big dog will understand this convenience)
• my BANJEES Wrist Wallet is so pretty!! I have the one picture above, and it IS reversible.
• BANJEES Wrist Wallet is versatile, matches eveything I own, looks cute and is very useful!

And the Best Part: 

I HAVE ONE FOR YOU!!!!

Just click on this little link for the RaffleCopter giveaway (I am sorry, I know this is a bit clunky – its my first time using the copter) LEAVE me a comment here!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

Ok, the rafflecopter thingie did not work right, so I am only asking that you go to  BANJEES Wrist Wallet page, look around and then come back here and comment on the  BANJEES Wrist Wallet you want!!

 

That’s it, one little comment gets you enter!! One week from today, Thursday, October 11 at midnight I will close this giveaway and I will randomly pick one commenter to win!! I will let y’all know on Friday who is my winner!!

AwesomER October

There is still post #fitbloggin excitement and energy flowing through my veins. I am full of Jen-ness! The very best part of me that is excited and ready to take on the world feels ALIVE!

I have not been feeling so alive and that has to change. I am tired of feeling tired. I need to take care of me: my body, my mind and my soul!! I mean really, really take care of myself!

Eating Right.

Moving My Body!!

Being gentle and kind to ME!

Oh and did I mention, I need to do ALL of these things….wait for it….consistently. If you remember (and I do say this so that I remember) I have zero follow-through when it comes to weight loss, fitness regimens, etc. I have to finish or I will just keep regaining the weight. I have to stay consistent or I will be an old lady who isn’t even old.

I have realized a few things:

• I do not have to change for anyone
• I like who I am
• I do not like how I look
• mainly, because I don’t feel like I look good. How can I feel like I look good when I am doing nothing to actually look good. (seriously, I could spend a few extra minutes on hair & make up and outfit coordination)
• it is not all about how fat I feel. I feel mushy. and my boobs suffocate me when I do certain yoga poses. and I lose my breath walking up the stairs at school.
• I want to be like my neighbors….in my 90s and still mowing my own lawn.
• I need to eat better and move more if I want to be mobile in my 90s.
• I need to be nicer to myself! I do like who I am – I am freaking awesome, I know this and now you know it too…so why do I think it is ok to beat up on myself for a few extra pounds?!?

I AM AWESOME AND I KNOW IT!!!

Most of the time.

When I am doing right – eating right, exercising, caught up at work, etc – I feel like nothing can stop me. I know the power of my awesomeness. When I am not doing right, I have a harder time believing in my awesomeness.

Enter the AwesomER Jen Challenge!! 

It is a challenge for me, by me and all about me!!

While taking it all one day at a time, I am hoping to make October a month for consistency~a month of awesomeness, if you will!

• I will track my food and movements every day (I am using myfitnesspal – and I am not going to “advertise” this all over twitter and facebook, I need to do this for me – not pats on the back – kwim?!)
• I will move intentionally for 30 minutes every day
• I will say something (at least one thing) nice/positive about myself – I wanted to make this a picture thing – take a pic of myself and then say something nice but this may not always be feasible.
• I will have fun and try new things – I will join fun online challenges with my friends – thea’s journal challenge, christieo’s #squatoberfest, GrowSoulBeautiful’s October #yogaaday(I don’t instagram but I will do the poses and maybe even get pics occassionally, new recipes, new foods, etc.
• I will remember finger quote “this” un-finger quote is about progress, not perfection. I do not have to do this in any manner but my own – I will do this MY way and I will be proud of my successes….all the little ones!!

Yep, I will be awesomER by month’s end.

One small success, one baby step, one day at a time.

Next month is my one year surgery anniversary. I will not be sad and pathetic with no progress to show for that year…I just refuse.

I WILL MAKE PROGRESS!!

I will be AwesomER!