I have been out of commission most of this first week of 2012.
To be fair, I have sort of been out of commission since surgery (November 17, 2011). I should have been working on the newest phase of healing. My cast was removed 12/27 and I went back to work January 3rd.
BUT
I have been battling what can only be known as the death-plague. I don’t want to give you all the details but think flu/stomach bug/upper respiratory infection all rolled into one and walking on crutches.
Wanna know how sick I was?!?
I hardly tweeted!
{{GASP}}
I know, that is crazy.
I have also had and taken some time to reflect. Being sick will do that to a person! Recovering from ankle (and knee) surgery on the couch also give lots of time for reflection.
Bear with me, while I ramble a bit and take you inside my mind.
January 1st/New Year’s and all talk of resolutions and goals tends to make me wanna throw up. I suck at resolutions; I have never once stuck to a resolution. Last year I didn’t even bother setting one. Last year, I knew I would be training for a half marathon in August and that was really all I had in my sights. I figured training would take care of it all.
And it sort of did. I had something to focus on!
And then, one week before that half marathon I hurt my knee. I went to the ortho, had an MRI and was diagnosed with arthritis and went to physical therapy. Then I sprained my ankle, went back to ortho and decided to finally fix my weak ligaments in ankle with surgery. Then I had surgery on my ankle and knee.
I had surgery 7ish weeks ago.
Then came another January 1st and another wrestling match with resolutions and goals. I really hate this stuff. I thought I found a solution with #12in12 but then I got the death-plague and really could only focus on me. In fact, today is the first day I feel like I am almost back to normal (whatever normal means).
I have decided on a new approach to the whole resolutions/goals debate that goes on in my head. I am no longer going to participate in the #12in12 challenge (not exactly the word for it, but you know what I mean). As I come back to life from the death-plague, I seem to have a new perspective. I need to take the pressure off myself but still push myself.
Quite the delicate balance I need to find.
I am a jump-in-first kind of person. I get all excited and I just jump in. And then reality kicks in and I feel stuck. I do not want to do this to myself. I hate that feeling. So, as I start to feel better I search.
Where do I go from here?
I have been asking this question all day. Then I read a post written by my good friend Karen about her word of the year. It was like a light bulb went off in my head! I swear, Karen is like the big sister I always wished I had. Reading her thoughts on goals was like reading my own thoughts. {Go read her post!!}
I love words. I am an English teacher after all (please don’t hold that against me!! I don’t read blogs or write my own blog expecting perfect grammar or spelling – I read through typos and I make plenty of my own) and I love to read and write. This blog is my journal. My journey. Me on a page. Me in words.
I have been thinking of the prefect word. Many words sprang to mind: heal, mend, listen, focus. ALL good words but really, those words are my blog. I thought about consistency. Then realized I needed more than consistency. I needed more than focus. I need heal but I need more than just to heal.
I need diligence.
Definition:
diligence (noun) constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind.
or
diligent (adjective) constant in effort to accomplish something; attentive and persistent in doing anything
Right now my biggest task is to completely recover from the death-plague and heal and rehab my knee and ankle. As far as the death-plague, rest and time are the only way to truly recover. I promise you, I am resting!
As for the knee and ankle, I did not make it to physical therapy at all this week but it was just not possible.
Diligence….or constant effort, persistent exertion.
My ankle needs me to be diligent! I need me to be diligent in my therapy.
My students deserve my diligence.
My family deserves my diligence.
Most of all, I deserve to put my all in my tasks. My head will be in a much better place I am diligent in my tasks. I cannot run before I can walk. I cannot walk until I can crawl.
DILIGENCE
in all that I choose to do!
I may have to be picky in the things I choose to do. But that is another post entirely!